The day our son was born was the best day of our lives and also the worst day of our lives.
The best day of course because we got to meet our baby boy for the first time, the new love of our lives. After deciding to make his appearance into the world 6 weeks earlier than expected, we were just glad that he was here safe and sound. But at the same time, it was the worst day for us too because as soon as he was born he was snatched away from us.
I’ve thought long and hard about whether to write about this experience or not, I find it hard to talk about and it’s not exactly the most uplifting topic! We went through so many mixed emotions and faced so many challenges after Kory’s delivery that it has taken a while for me to fully deal with and accept what happened, even now that our boy is at home with us. At the time, I didn’t know anyone else who had gone through the same thing as us so I felt like I had no-one else to talk to. So, I’m hoping that by writing about this and sharing our experience, my words might help someone in a similar situation.
I was lucky to have no medical problems during pregnancy, I actually had a pretty straight forward pregnancy. He was measuring great all the way through, I had no morning sickness, no cramps, no nothing which is why what happened came as even more of a shock to us. Even labour was fairly straight forward too but when my waters started leaking, it was obvious that something wasn’t right. For waters to spontaneously start leaking before 37 weeks, isn’t very common and it’s something that only happens to every 2 in 100 people.
I thought to myself. Why me? Is it my fault? Was it something I’d done?
I was riddled with guilt and felt that I was to blame because I was the one carrying him. I know now though that I’m not to blame for what happened, nobody knows why babies are born premature. It sucks but it happens and it’s no-ones fault.
Kory spent his first 11 days in the Special Care Baby Unit until he was feeding by himself and was able to maintain his body temperature. It took us a lot longer than 11 days to recover from what happened. Even now I think to myself, I don’t think I could ever go through that again. The second he was born he should have been placed on my chest but he wasn’t because he wasn’t breathing. After they got him breathing again he was taken straight down to the Special Care Unit and I didn’t get to see my baby until the following morning. We couldn’t just hold him whenever we wanted to, he was being fed through a tube, he had all sorts of wires attached to his body, he had his heel pricked every day and it was heartbreaking to see him cry. It was so tough for us all.
I don’t want to dwell on the negatives, I just wanted to share our story with you. I have accepted now that everything that happened, the things we may have missed out on and the care Kory was receiving was because that was what was best for Kory at the time. I may not have got to cuddle my baby straight away but I’ve made up for it by cuddling him a million times since. It may have been a tough journey but I’m just thankful that our boy is happy, healthy and now at home with us.