Every single night after i’ve put Kory to bed, I watch him as he sleeps and I forget how much of a pain in the ass he’s been that day, I forget that just minutes before he finally gave in and fell asleep, he’d been fighting his sleep for over an hour.
Every single night I look down at how innocent he looks when he’s sleeping and I am filled with guilt.
Good old mum guilt.
I punish myself for the mistakes I made that day. For losing my patience with him when he just didn’t listen, for getting angry when I needed to tidy the house and he wouldn’t let me, I punish myself when I think I didn’t spend enough time with him, organising activities and learning him new things, for us spending too much time in front of the tv and not enough time playing, for sticking a mini pizza in the oven for tea instead of making him something healthy and homemade.
I punish myself every. single. night.
The thing is, they don’t give you lessons on how to be a good parent, all I can do is try my best at this parenting thing, every day I’m winging it and hoping that my best will be good enough. I don’t mean to snap and lose my patience, I’m just tired. I’m trying to hold it all together but some days I feel like I could scream! I’m a mum who loves her son so much that it hurts to admit that sometimes it’s hard.
I’m just a mum who goes to bed every single night promising that I will do a better job tomorrow.
