Another lonely mum

Since becoming a mum I’ve always noticed talk about how lonely and isolating motherhood can feel. I’ve read about it online and heard it on the tv but I have never really shared my thoughts on the topic.

But I think I should now.

I don’t know if I’ve been surpressing these feelings of loneliness because I didn’t want to upset myself or because I didn’t want to talk about it but I can say i’ve never felt this lonely before and lately i’ve been feeling more lonely than ever.

The reason I’ve chose to write this post is to try and bring mums together, to share with you all that feeling lonely happens to so many of us once we become parents, to make mums aware that there are so many other lonely mums out there and to say that I too am just another lonely mum as well.

So, whilst we’re being honest. I am going to share with you my story of loneliness in motherhood.

I have always been someone who enjoys their own company. I’ve never cared about being popular or fitting in, even at school this never bothered me. Growing up, I could count my friends on one hand. 1 of them being my mum, 1 being my partner, another being my sister and the remaining 2 are my close friends. I have always been the same. I have never needed lots of friends in my life in order to be happy.

But you do need some friends.

Life without having someone to talk to is crap. This is something I never really realised until I became a stay at home mum. My partner went back to work, my mum was at work and my friends were all busy with work whilst I was home alone with Kory. I did try taking Kory to play groups which was a big deal for me as I don’t like taking myself out of my comfort zone but I did it anyway, however I didn’t feel like I really clicked with any of the other mums there. They were all either older than me, had already formed ‘cliques’ or just weren’t interested in speaking to me. Or at least that’s how I felt anyway. Making mum friends is a struggle for me, in fact making any friends is a struggle for me. If me and Kory are bored there is no one I can just ring and ask if they fancy doing something.

I often wonder if I had more friends and more support would I have found motherhood to be so lonely?

I wish I was braver and could just speak to other mums but I just don’t know what to say. I am almost 24, I should be socialising more than ever yet I have spent a good portion of my twenties feeling lonely. Like I say, I do have a small circle of friends, it’s just not always easy to arrange plans, it’s hard to find childcare for Kory, work shifts get changed and plans more often than not end up getting cancelled. Kory is going to be starting nursery in September and whilst I’m dreading being the only mum stood by herself in the play ground, I’m going to use this as an opportunity to try and chat to some of the other parents. Maybe make a friend who loves tea and cake as much as I do and someone who doesn’t mind having a good chat. I love Kory more than anything and yes my partner is my best friend but I just don’t want to feel lonely anymore.

I know it’s hard to admit to feeling lonely but maybe if more of us are honest about it and open up about how we feel, it will encourage other lonely mums to speak up too.

If you’re looking for a Mum friend, here I am!

Kirsti, xo

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