I’ve always been image conscious, felt unpretty, lacked confidence and disliked the way that I looked for as long as I can remember but even more so after becoming a mum. I don’t know if it was because I was feeling low or because when I first became a mum I felt lost, not just lost because I was scared and didn’t know what I was doing but lost in the sense that I’d lost a part of who I was. I feel like I disliked the way that I looked and how I felt about myself more than ever after becoming a mum.
I started to notice everything I disliked about myself even more. I hated that I needed to wear glasses, I felt like they hid my eyes and made me ugly. I didn’t like my smile, my face I felt had aged by like 100 years. I don’t think I liked anything about the way that I looked to be honest. I would always just pick myself apart to the point where I felt like I didn’t want to be me anymore, I didn’t want to leave the house because of how ‘ugly’ I felt and I was always so upset about it all.
I don’t know what it was but something recently made me realise that there’s more to life than my image. So to stop spending so much time being concerned with what I look like! I don’t know if it’s because I’d just had enough of feeling this way or because I’ve had a few things happen in my life recently that have really made me realise just how short life actually is but I stopped worrying so much about what I looked like, I didn’t want to worry so much about what I looked like, i wanted to be happy and to accept myself. I learned to love me for who I am and I embraced all of my ‘flaws.’
I can’t tell you how free I feel!
Instead of tearing myself down, I’ve started to notice things I like about myself now.
I like my eyes, they’re the greenest green.
I like my hair, it’s grown and feels so healthy.
I like my eyelashes, they’re long and dark.
But these are all things that are to do with my appearance. What’s most important goes beyond what’s on the outside.
I also like that I’m creative, compassionate and quirky.
I make a good cup of tea, I like reading and I enjoy my own company.
I like being me.
I think what actually made me realise that there’s more to life than worrying about how I look, was my son. I didn’t want him to see me this way and I certainly didn’t want this rubbing off on him as he gets older. I didn’t want my son thinking this behaviour was okay. I want my son to grow up believing in himself, having confidence and being proud of how he looks and the person that he is. And how is he meant to do that when he sees his mum, the person that’s raising him constantly putting herself down and being unhappy in her own skin?
I guess all I’m trying to say is, if you ever find yourself feeling like I did, I know what it’s like to feel that way. I know what it’s like when you become a mum and you feel like you’ve lost your identity. I know what it feels like to look in the mirror and not like what you see. And it’s hard, every day you feel like you’re having a constant battle with yourself. A battle to get up and dressed and to leave the house because it’s so much easier to just stay in your pyjamas, that way you don’t have to face anyone. A battle with yourself to wash your hair and put some make up on because you just don’t see the point, you won’t feel any better about yourself anyway. It’s hard feeling this way. But you deserve happiness and you deserve to feel happy in your own skin. You are special and unique and you are you. There is only one you. So let’s break down these barriers we’ve built up and learn to love ourselves.