I’ve wanted to try for another baby for a while now but my partner didn’t feel like the time was right but he’s finally come round to the idea of extending our family. So why do I feel guilty for wanting another baby?
I know wanting a baby and actually going through with trying to have one are two totally different things. It’s easy to look at newborn babies and miss that stage but there’s so much more to consider, discuss, think about and questions you need to ask yourself before you make the life long changing decision to have a baby. I know all of this, I’m a mum already and having another baby is all I think about. It’s all I’ve thought about for months! Believe me, I’ve thought about everything and in my mind it’s all I can think about. I’ve thought about every scenario that could happen, hurdle or problem that may occur and it hasn’t changed my mind at all. Everywhere I go i’m reminded of how much I want a baby because I see pregnant women and envy them, every time I see pictures of a new mama with her newborn baby I wish it was me all over again, I see siblings together and I want that for Kory.
When we was trying to get pregnant with Kory it was all I ever wanted and when he was born, he stole my heart and I knew we’d made the right decision. Now he’s perfect in every way and I don’t regret a thing. How I felt at the time when I was having Kory is exactly how I feel now about having another baby, I can’t shake the feeling that something is telling me that now would be the perfect time to start trying.
Before being blessed with Kory, I wanted a baby so badly when we first decided to start trying but it didn’t happen straight away for us. We both went to the doctors to try and find out if anything was wrong with either of us and why it wasn’t happening. Me and my partner were both young and relatively fit and healthy. So why us? The doctor couldn’t tell us much really, by our results he could tell us that there was nothing the matter with either of us which was a relief yet at the same time frustrating because if that’s the case then why isn’t this happening? The doctor couldn’t answer me when I asked him that, he just told me to relax and if in another year I still haven’t been able to conceive then to go back.
Heartbroken, I threw myself into a new job because my old one was making me unhappy, my partner landed himself a new job also and I tried my hardest to not get stressed out and to not think about having a baby and to just carry on as we were before. And 3 weeks later I was pregnant with Kory! This is why I am such a strong believer in everything happens for a reason.
I think a new addition to our family would fit in perfectly and even complete it. Also my second baby will probably be my last baby for a number of reasons. One being money, another being space – we only live in a 2 bedroom house, I suppose we could extend the house which would cost money or move which I don’t want to do and another reason is that because Kory was born premature, I’m at higher risk of my next baby being born premature too. Kory being born premature was one of the hardest things me and my partner have had to go through and if my next baby was to be born premature as well, I’m not sure we could go through that ordeal for a third time and risk it happening again.
I feel guilty for wanting another baby because I know how much having another baby will change Kory’s life. I don’t want him to ever feel left out or that he was never enough. It makes me sad to think that I might lose our special one to one time together because he will have to share me and in a way I will be sad to say goodbye to our family of three that I’ve grown so used to. I’ve wanted another baby and to give Kory a sibling for the longest time so why do I feel anxious to say goodbye to a part of my life I know I’ll never be able to get back.
Have any of you ever felt guilty about giving your first child a sibling? Why do I feel guilty for wanting another baby?
Life as The Lonsdales 
Hmm, I think a lot of moms feel this way. No reason to feel guilty as adding another person to your family will be a blessing for your firstborn!
I wanted another baby when each of my kids were toddlers but now that we’re done (we wanted five and finally finished) I don’t have that desire anymore. I think you just know when to keep going and when your family is complete. Best wishes for when you start to trying!
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Thank you! Glad to hear I’m not alone in feeling this way. I think because it’s something I’ve wanted for so long but now we’re actually starting to consider it, it’s scary and I was just worried how the whole thing will have an effect on my eldest x
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I swear I could of written this. For me I wanted a baby more than anything and had my daughter almost 5 years ago. I always had an excuse to wait: I’m not emotionally recovered from my horrible labor and delivery, I wanna wait until she’s out of diapers, my husband, money and the biggest reason was I never wanted my daughter to feel like she wasn’t enough. My friends always told me I was crazy. Then the idea of the “mommy and Mia” moments would have to be shared or change frightened me. There was always a reason to wait. until I realized everything has a way of working out.that my daughter wouldn’t feel replaced she could feel the pride of being a big sister. All those one on one moments with her I could still have and we could share them with her sibling. So now it is all I can think about and my husband and I both want a baby, but I’m petrified to take the step to remove my IUD, like I’m afraid to make the decision because what if it’s wrong. Sorry for my novels. But I relate so much to you.
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I’m so glad you can relate to this post and it’s nice to know I’m not the only parent that feels this way. Do not apologise for writing to me, that’s why I write in the first place 🙂 you sound so much like myself, I always talk myself out of everything and I worry so much too. It’s like once I get past one hurdle, I worry about the next. I am such a strong believer in that everything happens for a reason, events that have taken place throughout my life have proven this to me. Don’t be afraid, if it’s what you both want, it’s not the wrong decision. I feel afraid that one day when I have another baby that my son is going to feel left out but everyone always tells me that you will be surprised when you have your second child just how much your heart grows, you never thought you could love anyone as much as you love your first child but you can and you will. Your daughter is at an age where she will more than likely love being a big sister and if not, I’m sure she will learn to. There is 10 years between me and my sister and I find the bigger the age gap, the more accepting kids are of their new siblings. They’re past the whole not wanting to share stage, have a better understanding of what’s going on and can help out more which will make them feel involved too. Those ‘mummy and mia’ moments, you will still be able to have, it’s just sometimes you will also have ‘mummy, Mia and ____’ moments. I’m not saying it will be easy, it’s certainly going to be a challenge at first but it will be so worth it. If it’s what you want, which it sounds to me like it’s something you’ve wanted for a long time but have been too afraid to take that step, then I say go for it. I’m sorry to hear that you had an awful labour and delivery, my auntie was pregnant at the same time as me and she had an horrendous labour and recovery and it’s also put her off ever wanting anymore children but you can always speak to your midwife about this and I’m sure she will reassure you and come up with a plan for you. I hope this message makes you feel better, write to me any time.
Kirsti, xo
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