I’ve wanted to try for another baby for a while now but my partner didn’t feel like the time was right but he’s finally come round to the idea of extending our family. So why do I feel guilty for wanting another baby?
I know wanting a baby and actually going through with trying to have one are two totally different things. It’s easy to look at newborn babies and miss that stage but there’s so much more to consider, discuss, think about and questions you need to ask yourself before you make the life long changing decision to have a baby. I know all of this, I’m a mum already and having another baby is all I think about. It’s all I’ve thought about for months! Believe me, I’ve thought about everything and in my mind it’s all I can think about. I’ve thought about every scenario that could happen, hurdle or problem that may occur and it hasn’t changed my mind at all. Everywhere I go i’m reminded of how much I want a baby because I see pregnant women and envy them, every time I see pictures of a new mama with her newborn baby I wish it was me all over again, I see siblings together and I want that for Kory.
When we was trying to get pregnant with Kory it was all I ever wanted and when he was born, he stole my heart and I knew we’d made the right decision. Now he’s perfect in every way and I don’t regret a thing. How I felt at the time when I was having Kory is exactly how I feel now about having another baby, I can’t shake the feeling that something is telling me that now would be the perfect time to start trying.
Before being blessed with Kory, I wanted a baby so badly when we first decided to start trying but it didn’t happen straight away for us. We both went to the doctors to try and find out if anything was wrong with either of us and why it wasn’t happening. Me and my partner were both young and relatively fit and healthy. So why us? The doctor couldn’t tell us much really, by our results he could tell us that there was nothing the matter with either of us which was a relief yet at the same time frustrating because if that’s the case then why isn’t this happening? The doctor couldn’t answer me when I asked him that, he just told me to relax and if in another year I still haven’t been able to conceive then to go back.
Heartbroken, I threw myself into a new job because my old one was making me unhappy, my partner landed himself a new job also and I tried my hardest to not get stressed out and to not think about having a baby and to just carry on as we were before. And 3 weeks later I was pregnant with Kory! This is why I am such a strong believer in everything happens for a reason.
I think a new addition to our family would fit in perfectly and even complete it. Also my second baby will probably be my last baby for a number of reasons. One being money, another being space – we only live in a 2 bedroom house, I suppose we could extend the house which would cost money or move which I don’t want to do and another reason is that because Kory was born premature, I’m at higher risk of my next baby being born premature too. Kory being born premature was one of the hardest things me and my partner have had to go through and if my next baby was to be born premature as well, I’m not sure we could go through that ordeal for a third time and risk it happening again.
I feel guilty for wanting another baby because I know how much having another baby will change Kory’s life. I don’t want him to ever feel left out or that he was never enough. It makes me sad to think that I might lose our special one to one time together because he will have to share me and in a way I will be sad to say goodbye to our family of three that I’ve grown so used to. I’ve wanted another baby and to give Kory a sibling for the longest time so why do I feel anxious to say goodbye to a part of my life I know I’ll never be able to get back.
Have any of you ever felt guilty about giving your first child a sibling? Why do I feel guilty for wanting another baby?