When you look at the above picture of me and Kory, you see smiles and we both look happy. We were having a good day together. I took Kory to Blackpool that day on my own, we went to the arcades, we had dinner, we walked along the beach, we had ice cream. It was lovely and I wish more days could be like that. But the reality is that not every day is. Some days are harder than others.
Parenting is amazing, being able to be a parent is a blessing and the parenting journey between you and your child is so special but it can also feel relentless. And pretty lonely too. If you’re a parent yourself, you will know what I mean when I say that parenting is relentless.
It never ends. The duties of being a parent and what’s expected of us. It never stops. It’s constant and it’s every single day, 7 days a week, 24 hours a day.
Every day I wake up and it doesn’t matter if I wake up feeling unwell or if I feel tired, I am responsible for another being who relies on me for their every need and how I feel is sort of irrelevant and that’s a big responsibility. I know as parents what society expects of us, to make sure that our children are fed a healthy balanced diet, that they are bathed and cleaned, dressed, educated, well socialised and played with, ect ect every single day and I’m okay with that, I know what I signed up for when I became a mum, believe me no one wants better for my child than me but that doesn’t mean it’s always easy for me to do. Not every day is all sunshine and rainbows and some days I just feel like I don’t have the energy to do what is required of me as a mother and the fact that I still have to get up, put a smile on my face and try my best is really quite overwhelming. So yeah, some days I do just stick chicken nuggets in the oven for Kory instead of preparing him some tea myself and you know what? I think he loves me more when I do that – chicken nuggets are his favourite! So who am I really punishing myself for? Kory or society? That doesn’t mean I’m gonna feed him chicken nuggets every day for the rest of his life but surely how I experience my own parenting journey with my child and what they will remember of it when they’re older and what they think of me is more important than how strangers online or even in real life are gonna view me because of my parenting choices.
Some days I plan lots of fun things for me and Kory to do together and we end up having a really nice, productive day and I go to bed at the end of the day feeling like a good mum who has her shit together but there’s also days when I feel like I don’t want to get out of bed, when I can’t even be bothered to speak let alone answer all Kory’s 16 hundred questions about why turtles have shells and what is our boiler for and I go to bed feeling riddled with guilt for maybe not having as much patience as I normally would and feel like a failure. But I’m only human and like anyone else, I can only take on so much. I do cry in front of my child, I get upset, I get cross but I can also apologise and I think it’s a good thing that he sees me express my emotions.
I read so many blog posts that talk about how mums should take care of themselves and how important self care is. And it is! It’s so important! I’m guilty myself of writing a few posts like that of my own, I realise the importance of taking time for yourself for your own sanity and in order to be the best parent that you can be but finding the time to do that is easier said than done. I can’t even remember the last time that I did something that was just for me and that’s because I just don’t have the time and when I think about it, what would I do anyway? Where would I even go? If you’re telling someone you know that they need to take a break but aren’t offering to help then maybe you aren’t being as helpful as you may think you are. I’m sure lots of mums would love nothing more than to run themselves a bath and to relax but what are they expected to do with the kids?
As you some of you already know, I’m a stay at home mum and I can bet that some people will read this post and say ‘you’re a stay at home parent. That is what you do, you stay at home with your kid.’ And wonder how I can complain about that. But I’m not. I love being a mum, I love being able to stay home and look after Kory but I can be both. I can both love being a parent and find it bluddy hard sometimes and want to vent by writing this post.
A lot of the time it is just me and Kory together. My partner works a lot and other than him we don’t really see anyone else. Sad, right? No one asks do I want to go anywhere with Kory or even just on my own, no one includes us in their plans, no one even asks how we’re feeling, not even a text. Don’t get me wrong, I love spending time with Kory just the two of us and he loves spending time with me too but it gets lonely sometimes. At least for me anyway. The only person I have to speak to is my 2 year old son, I don’t interact with any other adults, I think I’ve actually forgot what it’s like to go out and to strike up a conversation with someone.
I’m not afraid to be honest and say that I don’t always enjoy being a parent, some days are harder than others and that’s okay. It doesn’t make me a bad mum for feeling like that. I shouldn’t feel bad for feeling like I need a break sometimes. I don’t love Kory any less than I would on a day when I’ve planned lots of fun activities for us to do compared to a day when I don’t feel like moving from the couch and would much rather just watch a movie with him and eat snacks together. I shouldn’t feel guilty for having a lazy day if that’s what I need to recuperate what little energy I have.
I guess what I’m trying to say by writing this post is that I know just how relentless parenting can be and just how lonely it can make you feel too. I know just how isolated motherhood can feel and it isn’t nice to say the least. So if you’re looking for a mum friend or just someone to chat to, I’m here.
A fellow mum who can totally relate to how you feel.