Yesterday was a bit of a rollercoaster. It started off sh!t, then turned out to be pretty good and then went sh!t again.
Kory woke at about 6:30am and wouldn’t go back to sleep so we had an early start to the day which when you’ve got a 2 year old that doesn’t nap no matter how tired they are it’s never fun and so I already knew I was going to be in for a l-o-n-g day ahead. After getting up so early, I was feeling pretty tired myself after numerous bathroom trips throughout the night and could have done without such an early wake up call so felt like I couldn’t be bothered doing anything. All I wanted to do was sit and close my eyes which obviously wasn’t going to happen so I got myself and Kory dressed and then we headed out.
I took Kory to the cafe for some dinner, it was really nice and Kory was really well behaved. So much so that he even got treated to an ice cream afterwards for eating all of his dinner and for sitting so nicely. After that I took him out for a walk on his bike and then to a local play group that was on. It was good fun! I actually thought to myself ‘what a good day this is turning out to be’ but I must have spoken too soon because it’s after this point where it all started to go wrong…
Kory was asking me over and over if he could go to his Nan’s house, I wanted to just take him home because I could tell he was already tired but I ended up giving in and taking him to her house anyway. After he’d been so good, I didn’t want to tell him that he wasn’t allowed to go and see her.
But once we got there Kory just started to misbehave right away. I feel like he acts up more if we’re around other people or when we are somewhere else, I think he thinks I won’t tell him off the same and he’s not wrong. I won’t, well, can’t. At home whenever Kory misbehaves he gets sent to his bedroom until he calms down or until he says sorry because that’s what works for us but that isn’t possible if we’re not at home and I think he’s figured this out.
It’s hard being pregnant and dealing with toddler tantrums but that’s not what upset me most yesterday. What got to me was the comments that were made about Kory and my parenting. I came away feeling really bad about myself and about Kory’s behaviour as if I wasn’t being made to feel sh!t enough already by my 2 year old. When we got home, I bathed Kory and put him straight to bed and then I just cried. In fact I don’t think I even slept last night, I was up all night upset. Even though I know that my child is just like any other 2 year old, I still take other people’s comments to heart, probably more than I should but even though I have nothing to feel guilty for, Kory was the one being unreasonable and I was the one trying to deal with it the best way that I could I still spent the rest of the night feeling like a rubbish mum. And that’s when it dawned on me that this is how mothers are sometimes made to feel simply by other people’s ignorance and words and I don’t think any parent should be made to feel how I was made to feel yesterday and a million times before that.
Because let’s be honest, the judgement starts way before your child is even here. I’m currently expecting baby number 2 and I’ve already been judged for ‘doing too much’ or ‘doing too little.’
So I thought I’d write this blog post as a message to myself and to other mums and dads because I’m fed up of people passing judgement. I am the one who looks after my child every single day, I am the one who gets up with him in the night and gets up with him first thing in the morning. I’m the one that dresses him, cleans him, feeds him, plays with him, looks after him when he’s sick, learns him new things and teaches him right from wrong and I may not always get it right, I make mistakes too, Kory is no angel but i’m damn well proud of him. When he’s not smacking and snatching toys (because that’s what 2 year olds do sometimes!) he’s kind and caring, very loving and thoughtful, he’s so bright and clever and he makes me smile every single day. No one other than me looks after Kory, no one sees this other side to him, no one knows just how much of a good boy he actually is so it is so easy for others to make assumptions and to judge both me and him when they haven’t a clue because they don’t have to do what I do and they’ve probably forgot what it’s like having a 2 year old. It must be so easy for them to judge after they’ve had a full nights sleep and an uninterrupted meal or bathroom trip and assume they could do a better job than I can. So to those people I say that maybe they should take a walk in my shoes for a day and see just how easy parenting is then.
And do you know what else? I’m proud of myself too because all that Kory is, is because of my parenting. So even when he’s acting up, I’m proud of myself for how I handle it. I don’t need to raise a hand to my child to get him to listen, I don’t even need to raise my voice sometimes. Kory knows when he’s done something wrong and he will say sorry when he’s calmed down. At the end of the day he is 2 years old! He’s got a lot of learning to do and he’s gonna get it wrong sometimes just like you and I. So don’t compare me to other parents and what they might do, how they raise their child is up to them, that’s their parenting journey and no parent is better than anyone else. We all know just how hard parenting can be.
So just like how you might not agree with how my son behaves, I don’t agree with your comments. I don’t think it’s fair to say to a mum that they should act more like such a person because they are strict where as you give in.
WRONG. I don’t give in, when I say no I stand my ground and I mean no and Kory knows that. I would say that I am more laid back in some aspects like when it comes to Kory getting muddy, running around the garden with no pants on, eating treats and screen time but that’s because I feel like there are bigger things to worry about than my child having some chocolate and I honestly don’t think those things that I allow are gonna harm him in the long run. I’m letting him be a kid! I’d rather save my energy for the bigger issues, like the smacking and the being cheeky which I address every time.
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, that is absolutely fine but before you voice your opinion maybe you should ask yourself:
‘Is what I’m going to say helpful?’
‘Is this my child?’
‘ Has my opinion been asked for?’
If the answer is no then you should probably just shut up.
Some children have conditions, mental or physical conditions and perhaps this affects their behaviour. Or in most cases (like my own) they’re simply being a child. Maybe they’re hungry, tired or they just feel like having a tantrum. Sometimes parents make choices for reasons that you as an outsider don’t have to understand.
So to fellow mums and dads that have been judged themselves, I just want you to know that we’re all doing the best we can and we’re still all gonna make mistakes and that other people passing judgement NEVER HELPS so you should do what i’m gonna start doing and f%ck what other people think.
2 thoughts on “F%ck what other people think”
I am so sorry these comments affected you so much. It’s the worst feeling. It’s not happened to me much BUT I was once on the bus with Reuben, who was around 9 or maybe 10 months at the time, and I was on my phone. I was sat next to a woman who was interacting with her children (who were about 5 and 7). And an old lady came up to the woman next to me and said to her “I like that you’re playing with your kids, some lasses are always on their phones and don’t care about their kids!!!”. It actually made me cry on the bus. She had no right to make such a shitty assumption but it really got to me. It wasn’t so much about my parenting, but I couldn’t believe someone had come to that conclusion & not that it matters but I was on my phone finding directions to a house we were going to view that might have improved our lives! It just felt really unfair xxx
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You’re right, it is the worst. I don’t think I’ve ever felt more judged in my life than since becoming a parent and because I know how shit other people can make you feel, I hate knowing that other people have felt how I’ve been made to feel too. It sucks. Omg that is awful and I am so sorry that you had to go through that. I’d have probably got upset too and that is exactly the sort of ignorant behaviour that I was talking about in my post. That lady seen you for one short period of time and because you happened to be on your phone she just made the assumption that you must be on your phone around Reuben all the time! Total ignorance on her part and it felt really unfair because it was. She had no idea that you were trying to find directions to a house but it shouldn’t have mattered if you were looking at tinder! Just because you’re a mum you’re still allowed to look at your phone without it making you a bad parent xxx