How I’m really coping in isolation

I’m writing this blog post because I just felt that it was important for me to share with you all truthfully how I’m really coping in isolation as I haven’t really spoken about that. I’ve shared with you what activities me and Kory have been doing to keep him occupied during the lockdown and it may look like I have it all figured out but I really haven’t. Like the majority of us, I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing from one day to the next. None of us have ever had to live in isolation before. The truth is I’m not coping as well as you may think I am with the situation at all. I have moments when I feel okay but then I remember what’s happening and it comes over me like a wave and suddenly I feel overwhelmed by it all.

I’ve had a couple of bad days recently. I know I’m not the only person in the world who has been affected by Covid-19 (obviously!) and the effect it’s had on everything around us. Words like ‘quarantine, lockdown and isolation’ have become the norm but just being at home, not being able to see my family or to go out with the kids has really affected my mental health.

On those days when I feel like my head is all over the place, going out for a walk fixes that, going to see my family can fix that but that isn’t an option right now. I’ve always struggled with anxiety and even depression but I feel like the circumstances we are all living in at the moment have heightened that. The thought of even going to the supermarket terrifies me. I’ve walked the dog with Kory just twice in the space of two weeks and although I was grateful for the fresh air and I know Kory was too, all I could think about the entire time was just getting him straight back home where I know he’s safe. I’m trying my best to hold it together because I don’t want Kory to sense that something is wrong and to worry about anything but that’s the part I’m finding really hard. Holding it together. Especially as the weeks go on. I know that I have to be thankful that we have our health and each other and I am, I think that’s why I worry so much because I don’t ever want anything happening to anyone I love.

I do feel pathetic even saying that I’m finding the situation we find ourselves in difficult at the moment when there are people out there working so hard on the frontline like all the people working for the NHS who are providing treatment to those who have been directly infected with Covid-19, doctors and nurses who have had to move out of their own family homes in order to protect their loved ones and all the key workers who have made sacrifices as well. And all I’ve been asked to do is stay home where it’s safe. I praise each and every one of them who are pushing on and providing services for the public during all of this uncertainty because I sure as hell would not be strong enough to do it.

But on the flip side, I am also loving all of the extra family time we are having. I think living in isolation like we are has made me realise how we were living life in such a rush before all this happened. Everything was to a time or a routine and you get caught up in doing everything that should be done as opposed to living more in the moment. My days mostly consisted of getting up, getting dressed, tidying the house, doing the school run, coming home, making tea and then going to bed. There wasn’t much time for anything else. Everything was to a schedule which I do like, and I will be glad when we get back to some sort of normality but I have liked not having to say to Kory as much ‘oh we’ll have to do that later, we’ll do that in a minute or you’ll just have to wait’ because in hindsight, we’ve alllll the time in the world.

Living in isolation has taught me to live more in the now and to not take anything for granted, to appreciate the little things in life like being able to pop round to see my Nan and grandad just because for they are the big things. But that doesn’t mean that I have to enjoy what’s happening right now or even pretend like I’m coping when I’m not. I’m sure no-one is happy about what’s happening right now and many of us are finding it difficult. So I just figured if I was open and honest about my struggles then it may encourage other people to be as well. It’s okay if you’re fed up, feeling sad, scared or lonely, even if we are all in agreement that our current living situations are necessary at the moment and what’s best for everyone.

So that’s how I’m really coping in isolation. I hope you’re all okay? I know we may not be able to be there for each other in person but I’ll always be here for anyone who needs it. Feel free to message me any time.

Look after yourselves and your loved ones, everything is gonna be okay.

Kirsti, xo