honest parenting, mom blog, mom blogger, mom problems, motherhood, motherhood struggles, mum blog, mum blogger, mum problems, parenting, parenting blog, parenting blogger, parenting problems, stay at home mom, stay at home mum

I wish I was a dad sometimes

I don’t want to offend anybody by writing this blog post. I can appreciate that being a parent whether you’re a mum or a dad is at times difficult but it just seems to me that society seems to be more accepting of dads, they give more praise to dads for a whole lot less, are more judgemental to mums and expect so much more from us mums but at the same time are so ready to pick us apart and let us know what we’re doing wrong.

Here is a perfect example of this:

On Monday I woke up feeling as though I had the flu. I was freezing and couldn’t get warm no matter what I tried, my body was aching all over, my head was pounding and I just felt nauseous. And so did Rory. We both felt awful but despite this, Kora still needed me to feed her bottles, to change her and to get her dressed for the day and Kory still needed me to make him breakfast, to get him dressed and of course he wanted to get out his toys and for me to play with him. So why Rory took the day off from work and got to go back to bed. I did what I needed to.

Now there is nothing wrong with Rory spending the day in bed recovering but had that been me who went back to bed, I’m sure I would have heard the following:

“That was good of him to take care of the kids for you.” Or “Did he not mind looking after them why you went back to bed?”

Um, I should think not – they’re his kids too!

Except when Rory went back to bed, no one said any of those things about me to Rory and that’s because as a mum, it’s just expected of me to do all the above and more.

Later on that day, my Nan rang and asked how we all were, I told her how I was feeling and she asked if Kory wanted to go to her house for a bit. I was so grateful. I knew he’d have a better time there than with me, the lurgy monster who felt as though I didn’t even have the energy to string a sentence together, never mind play superheroes and have him volleying off my head so after asking him if he wanted to go, I got him ready. Once Kory had gone, I phoned my Nan to see if he was okay, after letting me know that he was, she said that I should go and put my feet up for a bit now, which sounded perfect and was just what I needed but after putting the phone down, instead of making the most of this time I had by putting my feet up, I realised the house looked like a bomb had gone off so I made a start on that.

I did a whole load of washing, washed, dried it and put it away. Washed the pots, sprayed and wiped round everywhere, made the beds and hoovered all whilst feeling like a bag of shite. I suppose all that could have waited but if I didn’t do it then the truth is that it wasn’t going to get done that day and I would have only ended up trying to do it again later but when Kory was home.

By the time I’d finished doing everything I needed to do, Kory came back home but luckily, as much as I’d missed him he was so tired after having such a good day with his nan and grandad that he went straight to bed which did mean that I could have an early night myself which was definitely needed so it wasn’t all bad. I did eventually get to go to bed myself but only after I’d done everything that needed to be done and that’s my point to this post.

I wish I could just sack everything off and be like ‘Right, that’s me off back to bed then!’ But when you’re a mum and you’ve got kids to look after you can’t just do that, they never stop needing you. No matter how rubbish you feel. But for some reason it seems to be that it’s more acceptable for a dad to be able do that than it would if it was me, a mum. It’s expected of me to just be able to carry on as normal.

Now I don’t want anyone to think that I am knocking dads at all because I’m not. What i’m trying to say is that we seem to live in a society that puts a lot more pressure on mums to hold the fort. Kory and Kora have an amazing dad. He works really hard in order to provide for them and helping raise them and as much as I appreciate everything that he does, I can’t help but feel that he should do those things anyway. He is equally as responsible for our children as I am. We both made those babies, we both have a responsibility to take care of them. I know dads work hard to provide for their families, they might be exhausted at the end of the day and deserve a break but guess what? So do mums! I know dads work hard but so do I but without the breaks, without the pay and without sick days and so does every other mum whether they go to work or stay home with their kids.

So if you’re a dad that thinks you can clock off the minute you walk through the door because you’ve ‘been at work all day,’ then don’t! No one expects you to walk through the door and wash the pots, make tea, put 3 loads of washing in or scrub the floors but just run the kids a bath, get out their pyjamas ready for bed, offer to do the bedtime story tonight because as a mum, I can tell you that it makes all the difference. You’ll still get to put your feet up or play that game you’ve wanted to play, it’s just that by helping that little bit, us mums will be able to put our feet up at the end of the day too.

I know that there are good men out there that know how to contribute, I know this because I have one. Sometimes it’s not dads that are the problem. It’s society and their old fashioned views on parenting roles.

I wish I was a dad sometimes because it seems like it would be a hell of a lot easier than being a mum these days.

honest parenting, mom blog, mom blogger, mom problems, motherhood, motherhood struggles, mum blog, mum blogger, mum problems, parenting, parenting blog, parenting blogger, parenting problems, stay at home mom, stay at home mum

Making a change

If you read yesterday’s blog post, you’ll know that i’ve been feeling a bit low lately and i’m sure that many people who read what I wrote thought:

What problems do you have?

What have you got to complain about?

And they’d be right to think that because my problems are a lot less significant when I think about what problems other people are facing. I know that and there will always be someone who has it worse than you. I hate feeling down and stuck in a rut (who doesn’t?!) I don’t choose to feel this way and I’m not usually one for feeling sorry for myself, in fact I’m usually the person who everyone comes to with their problems but I’m only human myself and I just think things had got a bit much for me.

Since then I’ve had some time to think about things and I’ve realised that although I can’t necessarily help how I think and feel, if I want to change my mindset and how I feel then I’m going to have to actually do something about it. Sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself has never helped anyone. Life has a habit of trying to bring you down and it can keep you down too – if you let it.

I read a quote that said ‘Remember when you used to wish for everything that you now have’ and it really resonated with me. I used to dream of having a family of my own, a son, a daughter, a partner, a car, a nice home and to be happy and I have all of that. I am so lucky and I realise that but when you feel like I do, you could have everything in the world and you would still feel sad and that made me feel so guilty because what a waste. I have everything I could ever possibly want and I’m not going to enjoy it because I’m going to let my negative thoughts and feelings get in the way of that? I knew I needed to make a change.

I have already started to make changes. I read back to myself my blog post from yesterday and it was clear for me to see what the problem was/is. The problem lies with how I think.

So here is what I think I need to do to help with how I’ve been feeling:

  • I need to train my brain to think differently.
  • I need to remind myself that small inconveniences don’t have to be such a big deal.
  • And I need to think more positively.

Yes the knob on my oven has snapped clean off but at least the rest of the oven still works and the knob can be replaced.

Yes the headlight and side panel on my car are broken but at least I have a car that runs and these things can be repaired.

My phone screen has smashed but my phone still works and I can always get a new screen.

I feel lonely because people don’t spend much time with me and/or my kids? Then that’s their loss. I have my kids and they have me.

I am not a person who sits around and feels sorry for themselves, that’s just not who I am, it never has been and I’m actually quite embarrassed by how low I’ve let myself get. I thought about quitting but then I remembered who is watching… My kids.

So watch this space because I’m about to find Kirsti again…

honest parenting, mom blog, mom blogger, mom problems, motherhood, motherhood struggles, mum blog, mum blogger, mum problems, parenting, parenting blog, parenting blogger, parenting problems, stay at home mom, stay at home mum

What a sh!t start to the year

I entered the new year feeling very optimistic, I was thinking positively and I had high hopes for the year ahead but the year really hasn’t started off so great for me. Literally nothing has or is going right for me at the moment. Or at least that’s how it feels to me anyway.

For the last few days my anxiety feels like it has come back in full swing, it really has hit me like a ton of bricks and knocked me for six. I have cried at least once every day, the kids must think I’m bat shit crazy. I feel awful. I feel exhausted – physically, mentally and emotionally, I feel inpatient and I feel like i’m ready to snap. I feel like there is a million thoughts going round my head all. the. time and that my head could just explode at any given moment. I have never felt lonelier. I have spoken about this before but I still feel that no-one bothers with me or the kids, no-one asks do we want to go anywhere or even if we’re okay and it sucks! Not only this but the knob on my oven has decided to snap clean off, the headlight on my car has stopped working, the side panel is hanging off the side of the car door and to top everything off I’ve smashed my phone screen as well which is just absolutely fanfuckingtastic.

These may not seem like big issues to most of you because, let’s be honest, well they’re not. There’s people out there with much bigger worries and losses in their lives than a smashed phone and having a broken headlight isn’t exactly the end of the world either but when you feel like I do, which is complete and utter crap, whenever anything like this does happen it just adds to my already never ending list of stresses when I already feel like I’m drowning in a sea of things that I need to sort or worry about.

I realise that I do need to change the way that I think and try not to let things get me so easily worked up. Worrying about things doesn’t change anything and I can accept that things could be a lot worse, it’s just that when you try to remain positive even through all the doubt and everything still goes tits up for you it feels like a slap in the face. I don’t want to be a negative Nancy (even though I am being) and be the one to complain and rant, in fact I feel quite pathetic for doing so but I’m just finding everything so hard at the minute and besides, I am allowed to have a good old moan, right? I guess I just felt like I needed to get all of this off my chest since I feel like I don’t have anyone else to talk to about all of this anyway.

So, if you’ve made it all the way to this point I’d like to thank you for reading the whole of this blog post and listening to my complaining. I hope your year has got off to a better start than mine has!

I promise the next time you hear from me it will be on happier terms but in the meantime, f%ck dry January… Pass me the wine!

Kirsti, xo

honest parenting, mom blog, mom blogger, mom problems, motherhood, motherhood struggles, mum blog, mum blogger, mum problems, parenting, parenting blog, parenting blogger, parenting problems, stay at home mom, stay at home mum

2019

With only 6 hours left of 2019, I thought I would try to write this post before we enter the new year.

Firstly, I would like to recap on the year. And what a year it has been… Kora was born and completed our family, Kory became a big brother, I learned some things about myself and I honestly feel like I’m in a better place now than I was when the year started.

2019 has been a better year than I could have ever imagined!

Last year I set myself some goals for the new year, as I do every year. And these were:

  • Read read read. I used to always read, I used to always have my head in a book but it’s been so long since I started a book and actually finished it. It’s not because of lack of interest – I love books, it’s having the spare time to read that’s an issue! But I’ve made a promise to myself that I’m going to make more time for reading, even if it’s just a couple of pages at night and in doing so, hopefully fall back in love with reading all over again.

  • Blog more. I’m really enjoying blogging at the moment and eventually I would like my blog to go somewhere so this year I’m going to blog as much as I can and take blogging more seriously.

  • Stay positive. I like to think I’m a pretty positive person anyway but sometimes I let things get me down and I can get quite stressed. But life’s too short for that and I just want to be happy

So how did I do? I honestly think I could have done better. I did attempt to read more but I didn’t read as many books as I’d have liked to but with two kids to look after, I don’t get a great deal of time for myself.

I did try to blog more and for a while I was doing well with that but then I started to let it slip again and I also neglected my social media too. I still am neglecting my social media if I’m being completely honest. I don’t know what it is I just don’t feel in any rush to get back into that just yet and besides, I think a social media break can do us all some good from time to time.

I actually think I did quite well with the staying positive one. I’m quite positive anyway but I am known for letting things bother me quite easily so that was something I wanted to work on for myself and I think I managed to do that. I let things go over my head a bit more and I feel better for doing so.

So with the year coming to an end, I think it’s a good time for me to set myself some more goals. If there’s ever something you want to achieve or work on there is no better time than right now to make a start but I just think there’s something about a new year with new beginnings to focus on what you want for the future.

So here goes…

  • Make something of my blog. Yes – no more excuses, this year I am going to take my blog seriously, knuckle down and seriously put in the work. Blogging started off as a hobby for me, it’s still a great way for me to talk about my feelings and share my experiences with you all but blogging has also given me a lot of opportunities and I’m interested to see where else I can take that.
  • Spend more time together as a family. We do spend a lot of time together as a family but a lot of it is spent just at home. Since having Kora I’ve found it difficult trying to get out of the house, I am getting better at it but it has taken me a while so my goal for the new year is to take the kids to more places, do more things and make more memories together.

And that’s it. Not much really, nothing big and extraordinary but small goals that I’d like to achieve. I’m not going to say I want to read more because I feel like I set myself that goal every year so this year I’m not going to and if I get to read then that’s great! And if I don’t then it’s no big deal.

I hope you all have a lovely New Years Eve whatever your plans may be. Every year on New Years we do the same thing, it’s sort of a New Year’s Eve tradition for us if you will.

See you all in 2020!

honest parenting, mom blog, mom blogger, mom problems, motherhood, motherhood struggles, mum blog, mum blogger, mum problems, parenting, parenting blog, parenting blogger, parenting problems, stay at home mom, stay at home mum

Loneliness in motherhood

I have wrote about my own experience with loneliness in motherhood previously in a past blog post called another lonely mum. I won’t go into too much detail about what I spoke about as I have attached a link for you if you’d like to have a read for yourself but I did speak openly about how as a first time mum how isolating motherhood can feel and how no-one really talks about it.

Since that last blog post I have become a mum for the second time and whilst some of you may think that I would have made some mum friends since the first time or that it would mean i’d have at least got a bit better at dealing with feeling this way by now, you couldn’t be more wrong. If i’m being totally straight, I felt a hell of a lot lonelier the second time round than I ever did as a first time mum. Being a mum of two means I have even less time for myself than I did before, which means even less time to socialise or even less time for anything else at all to be honest!

I found the transition from one child to two very difficult. In an instance everything changed and it was a lot for me to grasp and at certain times I wasn’t sure whether I was capable of even doing this. During the first few weeks of staying home with both children everything was new, everything was a lot harder and I didn’t really have anyone that I could talk to about how I was feeling. I became engulfed in loneliness and my days started to feel like they were stuck on repeat. I’d wake up, feed both kids, tidy up, play, feed both kids again and play some more until bedtime just to wake up the next morning to do the exact same thing over again. I felt so unhappy. I would look in the mirror at myself, see the bags under my eyes, the pale skin and greasy hair and I wouldn’t even recognise myself.

‘So why not get out of the house?’ I hear you ask. Well, it’s not like getting out of the house with two kids is exactly easy. I’d have to get everyone ready, pack everything I needed which i’m pretty sure i’d forget something and then when we did eventually get out of the door, where would we even go? As depressing as it was, at the time staying at home seemed to be the easy option.

The loneliness this time round was so much more profound and I felt like I was drowning with the weight of trying to deal with everything all by myself and feeling like this on top of everything else. Having no-one to speak to and to share your troubles with really sucks and the biggest mistake I made in trying to deal with my loneliness was that I didn’t try to deal with it at all, all I did was try to mask how I was feeling and I never expressed it to anyone until one day the overwhelming feeling of loneliness took over me and I just couldn’t keep it to myself anymore. My loneliness was turning to sadness and it was taking me to a dark place.

It was only after speaking to someone that I realised I didn’t have to feel like this and in order to not feel like this, I had to help myself. I have to take time for myself instead of talking myself out of it, I have to take time away from motherhood and I have to spend time speaking to other adults.

My daughter is now 12 weeks old and although I feel like I have come along way since those early days and I’ve got a whole lot better at juggling this whole mum-of-two thing, I still have days when the loneliness creeps back in, when I wonder if it’s just my 3 year old that is capable of screaming the house down or my baby that has episodes of crying no matter what I do to try and settle her, wondering if i’m even any good at being a parent and asking myself if it’s because of me that me and my kids don’t seem to get invited anywhere. Motherhood has a way of doing that to us but now when it does, I try to remind myself that i’m not the only one to have ever felt this way.

So, to all the other mums out there struggling to fit in or make friends or feeling like you’re a million miles away from the rest of the world, just know that you aren’t and while you may be going through what feels a hard time, this too shall pass.

Here are some things you can do to help end this cycle of loneliness:

  • Join a baby class.
  • Go for a walk.
  • Smile. Strike up a conversation.
  • Get your hair done.
  • Read a book.
  • Or even message me! I don’t mind!

I am that mum that will smile at you if i see you in the supermarket with your crying baby because I know what that feels like, I will hold your baby while you eat your food and drink your coffee, you can come round to my house any time and I will always pick up the phone.

So, from one lonely mum to another, I get you and i’m with you.

 

Kirsti, xo

honest parenting, mom blog, mom blogger, mom problems, motherhood, motherhood struggles, mum blog, mum blogger, mum problems, parenting, parenting blog, parenting blogger, parenting problems, stay at home mom, stay at home mum

QuaintBaby Ultrasound Art

I came across Quaintbaby Ultrasound Art on Instagram and I couldn’t believe my eyes. I had never seen something so incredibly beautiful.

QuaintBaby Art is a sole trader small art business whose owner hand paints ultrasound paintings to capture the experiences, the magic and baby’s personality for you to be able to visually visit that time in your life time and time again. The time that is entirely unique to every individual but one that can be beautifully captured as a piece of ultrasound art.

After seeing images of QuaintBaby Art and reading more about the business itself, I knew straight away that I wanted to work on a collaboration with Laura who owns QuaintBaby and after exchanging emails with Laura she agreed to collaborating together and I was so excited about this!

To start the process for Laura to hand paint Kory and Kora’s ultrasounds for me. I sent over to her the ultrasound images and from then we kept in touch to discuss the process of the paintings. She kept me informed throughout the entire process and answered any questions I had. The paintings themselves take between 1-10 days for Laura to create as she likes to dedicate lots of time and care into each painting she paints. On completion the painting is then varnished and framed and the original ultrasound image is printed off and attached to the back of the frame. To me, painting ultrasounds is genius and I cant believe that I haven’t seen this done before until now and that I hadn’t heard of QuaintBaby up until working together considering the business has been featured in Vogue UK, HerFamily and Businessinsider but I am so happy that I did come across QuaintBaby Ultrasound Art and that I got to know Laura more through working together on this collaboration. Laura promised to bestow something special to me that I would treasure forever in painting both of my babies ultrasounds and that she most definitely did, she took any expectations I had and blew them out of the water. When I received my paintings in the post, I bawled my eyes out when I opened them. Seeing the paintings and looking at my babies ultrasounds definitely made me look back on both pregnancies with a lot of fond memories. Working on this collaboration with Laura has been a very enjoyable process from start to finish and Laura has been amazing throughout the whole experience.

QuaintBaby Art also creates paintings of pets – because not all babies are human and heartbeat and soundwave paintings. So if you’re looking for a special way to capture and treasure an ultrasound, a heartbeat or a fur baby then I absolutely 100% recommend QuaintBaby Ultrasound Art to you.

To have Laura hand paint a piece of art for you, you can simply fill in an order form by clicking here or you can contact Laura by email to discuss further what it is that you would like her to create for you. Laura aims to respond to all emails within 1-3 days but during busy periods this may take longer. QuaintBaby Ultrasound Art can also be found on Instagram and Facebook and for more information you can head to the QuaintBaby website.

Thank you for reading my review on QuaintBaby and thank you so much to Laura over at QuaintBaby Ultrasound Art for the opportunity to work on this together. It has been an absolute pleasure and I will treasure forever the hand painted ultrasound paintings that you have created for me. What you do and what you create for people is truly special and I wish every success and more for QuaintBaby.

 

* Please note, I received this product in exchange for an honest review. All views and opinions are my own. *

honest parenting, mom blog, mom blogger, mom problems, motherhood, motherhood struggles, mum blog, mum blogger, mum problems, parenting, parenting blog, parenting blogger, parenting problems, stay at home mom, stay at home mum

Palmers review

I’ve spoke openly in the past about how I’ve always been image conscious but how I was even more conscious of my body during my pregnancies and how I am even EVEN more conscious of the way my body looks after giving birth to two children.

I never took or shared any pictures of my bump when I was pregnant with Kory, I just didn’t feel comfortable in my own skin and I wasn’t loving my new, bigger body shape but looking back, it makes me sad that I didn’t embrace having a bump and I wish I had took more photos of my bump to look back at. I wish I had loved my body more because it gave me my son.

Which is why when I was pregnant with Kora, even though my pregnancy was a lot harder, a lot more tiring and just all round different, I made a promise to myself that I was going to take photos of my bump and that this time I was going to embrace my new body shape. My body has given me two beautiful children, that’s pretty amazing.

It’s because of this that I decided I want to take better care of my body. So when Emma’s Diary Parent Squad sent me these Palmer’s tummy butter and massage lotions to try out I couldn’t wait to use them! For the past few weeks I have been using these products and I have already noticed that any stretch marks I had have drastically reduced in appearance and using the creams has also helped to improve the elasticity of my skin. I love that the products are made from ingredients such as: pure cocoa butter, Shea butter, natural oils, collagen, elastic and lutein which are great at keeping skin moisturised and smell amazing.

I highly recommend these products for anyone who’s pregnant, recently had a baby or for weight loss and just see for yourself the difference using Palmer’s makes to your skin.

Thanks for reading my review. Please do let me know your thoughts in the comments!

* Please note, I received these products in exchange for an honest review. All views and opinions are my own. *

parenting

An open letter

An open letter to you, you know who you are.

Why are you here?

You don’t speak to me and I don’t speak to you, you have me blocked on social media yet here you are reading my blog.

Yes I can see who views my blog by the way!

I can only assume you’re here to snoop because you are no longer in our lives. But if you really cared and wanted to know how we were doing you would reach out, send a message or pick up the phone. Actually, no you wouldn’t. That’s what family does. And although you are supposed to be ‘family’ you don’t and have never acted like it.

I wish I didn’t have to share something like this on my blog, something that is so negative. My blog is my space, a place for me to talk openly and honestly about my parenting yet I don’t feel comfortable doing that when I know I’m also sharing the same information with the likes of you. Information about my kids that you don’t even bother with and information about our family life that you so criticised.

I would have loved to have been able to start this letter in a pleasant manner but your unpleasant behaviour towards me does not give me much choice but to say it as it is. I am Rory’s partner and mother to our children. I express gratitude to you for how the man I love and adore has turned out even if he did drag himself up. He is an amazing person, fiancé and dad. Me and Rory have been in each other’s lives for 10 years. We were friends before we fell in love and even though we were only 15 years old when we met, our friendship and our love only grew stronger.

Unknown to you, during the time we have been together, Rory has shared with me everything he has been through. I wonder if you even know everything? You never bothered to ask. I know his fears and he knows mine, we have both been there for each other through difficult times. We are good together and despite this you actively looked for and found flaws in me. You openly disliked me and made it obvious with your snide remarks. When I decided based on many situations that you had a problem with me and when confronted with the truth, you didn’t like it. Which is fine because your behaviour allowed me to wise up and distance myself from you, a decision that I made for me and only me and one that I don’t regret making.

Do you even know how at just a few weeks pregnant you made me feel? Your words made me feel like I wasn’t a good enough person, partner and/or mother. In the whole time I’ve been a mum, no one has ever judged me so hard and made me feel so bad about myself. You picked me apart. You picked apart my parenting, you made a remark about every life choice I’ve ever made and you looked down upon every decision we have ever made even down to the house that we live in. All my life I have known just how judgemental people can be but no one has ever been so nasty and insensitive towards me before but like the lady I was raised to be, I rose above your behaviour and stayed being pleasant and friendly towards you even if I went to bed crying every night because I didn’t feel like it was my place to say anything and I didn’t wish to cause any tension between anyone because that’s how much Rory means to me. I don’t know what you tell people about what happened and I don’t care, you can say it was all said as ‘banter’ and you can say that I got things twisted but I know how I was made to feel and I know I would never make anyone feel that way. That’s how I’m different from you.

You made your views perfectly clear and one would think that you’d have stopped there given the fact that surely you could see how happy we are as a family. Or maybe you didn’t like that and that’s why you said the things you said. I don’t know and I never will since you are never going to admit that you were wrong for saying any of those things and you haven’t tried to make any amends either. But since you’re already here, reading about our lives, I’ll make it easier for you and catch you up.

We still live in the same property, the same council house that you looked down on except it’s more than just a council house to us, it’s our home, it’s lovely, it’s where we’re raising our kids and it’s filled with happiness. We’ve recently had another baby, a beautiful daughter. She is absolutely gorgeous and she looks so much like her big brother. Kory is getting big now, he is so bright and clever and to your distaste, that’s all down to my parenting! We’re planning our wedding for next year and we couldn’t be happier.

You can continue to act as if I don’t exist, you can ignore me when you see me, you can pass me as a stranger on the street and you can continue to be angry about our lives because that won’t stop us from being happy and being bitter won’t make you happier. I realise that I can’t stop you from reading my blog and I’m not willing to stop writing blog posts as I am immensely proud of my blog so enjoy viewing and hearing about our lives from me, ironically the same person you don’t wish to have a relationship with.

honest parenting, mom blog, mom blogger, mom problems, motherhood, motherhood struggles, mum blog, mum blogger, mum problems, parenting, parenting blog, parenting blogger, parenting problems, stay at home mom, stay at home mum

What I do all day

At the moment I am a stay at home mum but that wasn’t always the case, I did have a job as a receptionist before Kory was born. Once Kory was born it made sense for me to stay home and take care of him myself rather than fork out so much on childcare costs so i chose not to go back to work. Since then I have become a mum again for the second time and the same situation applies.

When I tell people that I am a stay at home mum, i’m usually asked the following question:

‘So, what do you do all day?’

Well I don’t sit around all day drinking tea and watching tv if that’s what you think. (I wish!) Below is a basic list of what I do all day on a typical day when I’m home with both kids.

7:00am, Wake up feeling tired and wishing I had gone to bed earlier. Make Kora a bottle, grab Kory some breakfast.

7:15am, Feed Kora her bottle.

8:00am, Grab Kory his iPad or put something on the tv for him. Change Kora’s nappy. Get her dressed for the day.

8:30am, Put Kora on her play mat or in her moses basket whilst I tidy up after breakfast.

9:00am, Get Kory washed, teeth brushed and dressed for the day.

9:30am, Make the bed, wash, brush my teeth and get myself dressed.

10:00am, Tidy the house, wash the pots, sterilise the bottles, feed the animals, do the washing, put the drying away, hoover, mop, put pots away, put washing out or on the radiators, ect. (All whilst checking on Kora, entertaining Kory and answering his gazillion questions all at the same time!)

11:30am, Make Kora a bottle, feed and wind her.

12:15pm, Change Kora’s nappy. Put her in her bouncer.

12:30pm, Make Kory some dinner.

1:00pm, Realise that I haven’t yet eaten or drank anything. Make self a coffee and maybe some cereal. Eat and drink.

1:30pm, Tidy up after dinner.

2:00pm, Play with Kory and his toys in his bedroom. Sit with Kora.

3:00pm, Absentmindedly wonder if I’m doing everything right.

3:15pm, Leave Kory to carry on playing. Make Kora a bottle, feed and wind her.

4:15pm, Change Kora’s nappy.

4:30pm, Put something on the tv for Kory so that I can let myself ‘relax for just a moment.’

4:45pm, Look what I can make for tea. Make tea whilst also trying to keep my eye on both kids.

5:15pm, Rory comes home from work.

5:30pm, Dish out tea, eat tea.

6:00pm, Put dishes in the sink.

6:10pm, Bath and bed routine. Bath Kory, get him changed into his pyjamas and into bed.

6:45pm, Read story to Kory.

7:00pm, Let Kory watch a little tv in bed whilst I feed Kora her bottle.

7:45pm, Kory is usually asleep by this point. Change Kora’s babygrow and nappy.

8:15pm, Put Kora down to sleep in her moses basket.

8:30pm, Go back downstairs to tidy up after tea.

9:00pm, Finally get into bed myself at which point i’m usually struggling to keep my eyes open.

Sleep, wake and then do it all over again the following day… So there you have it, an itinerary of a typical day in the life of a stay at home mum.

 

This parenting thing is hard!

honest parenting, mom blog, mom blogger, mom problems, motherhood, motherhood struggles, mum blog, mum blogger, mum problems, parenting, parenting blog, parenting blogger, parenting problems, stay at home mom, stay at home mum

Sometimes you just need a break

When you’re a mum, looking after the kids, running a household and dealing with everything else that life throws at you all at the same time – sometimes you just need a break.

I understand that going to work all day as a parent isn’t fun or easy either. I get that I’m lucky enough to be able to stay home with my children. I haven’t always been a stay at home mum, I do understand the responsibilities and stresses of life outside of motherhood.

As a stay at home mum, when I say I need a break I don’t mean a holiday or a reward for doing my job which is looking after Kory and Kora every day. I’m talking about just being able to have five minutes to myself so that I can feel sane. I want and need a break from time to time, not because I’m bored or looking for some fun, I want and need a break because I put absolutely everything I am into staying at home and raising my kids and let me tell you something, it isn’t easy. In fact, it’s damn well hard some days.

I can admit that I need a break but I won’t ask for help and sometimes even when the help is there, I don’t accept it. Or won’t accept it shall I say. Not because I’ve got too much pride but because I feel like accepting help is me admitting that I find life as a mum hard sometimes and that makes me a failure. And even when I do get time to myself I just feel guilty the entire time. Guilty for ‘palming’ my kids off. Which I know is a load of rubbish and it’s silly for me to even feel that way but in my mind that’s how I think and I can’t help it.

So what do I do instead? I end up pushing myself until I feel totally empty with no energy for anything at all. Which is no good, is it? It isn’t good for me and it isn’t good for my children. Because although I feel like I’m being the best mum that I can be by being with them all the time, I’m not really am I because when I’m with them I’m doing the bare minimum with bare minimum effort because that’s all I can do. There is nothing else left for me to give. I can’t summon up the strength to give anything else because I’m pouring from an empty cup.

I really am my own worst enemy and I need to remember that it’s okay to accept help, it’s okay to admit that i’m struggling and it’s okay to have some time just for me and to actually enjoy that time without punishing myself for doing so. If I want to be the best mum that I can be, then I really do need a break sometimes and if I don’t want to go insane, then I need to do it for myself too, even if it’s just for an hour so that I can refuel.

Sometimes you just need a break. A break from the responsibilities of being a parent, a break from the craziness and even a break from the kids and that is totally okay. In fact it’s more than okay. It’s necessary.