If you’re a mum like me who’s been there, done that and bought the T-shirt (However still learning on the job!) what advice would you give to a first time mum or what advice do you wish you had been given when you first became a mum? I have shared my top tips for new mums before but I thought I’d do a refresher and share some more of my mum to mum advice with you. Since my last tip sharing post I have become a mum for the second time and I think I’ve learned a thing or two more since then.

Being a new mum is a tough job and that’s no secret Here is a list of advice I have for you. From one mum to another:

• Go with the flow. When I was pregnant with my first, I spent a lot of time planning and preparing for my expectation of what pregnancy, labour and motherhood was going to be like and it all went out the window. For starters, my son was born 6 weeks earlier than expected which no one could have predicted and obviously through a massive curve ball our way. Thankfully he was okay and I’m blessed with two healthy children now. I’m not saying don’t be prepared, of course be prepared and if preparing is what helps you feel more comfortable, prepare away! But also be accepting of the fact that things might not always go to plan but that doesn’t mean things won’t be okay. Let it go and just go with the flow.
• Don’t worry if you don’t bond with your baby instantly. There is nothing wrong with that or with you for that matter. That feeling of love between you and your baby will come even if it isn’t instant. For some mums it takes day or weeks and for others even months. If you have any concerns you can always speak to your family or a professional without the fear of feeling judged.
• Accept help. Don’t feel like you cannot accept help for whatever reason. If someone offers their help, they offer to make dinner for you, tidy for you, even hold the baby for you, say yes. It can be hard at first to trust others with your newborn but there is no shame in accepting help. I was reluctant to leave Kory with my own mum at first, not that I didn’t think he would be in safe hands, it was just daunting for me and I can still remember the very first time I ever left him to this very day. But I’m glad that I did. I think I went and got my hair done actually!
• Breastfeeding vs formula. Breastfeeding is hard. You might be surprised to find out how passionate some people are going to be for you to breastfeed your baby. You’ll hear many times ‘breast is beast’ and the importance of breastfeeding which is fine but if breastfeeding isn’t for you that’s totally okay as well. It wasn’t for me either. I never wanted to breastfeed, I never intended to and I never attempted to. Both of my kids have been formula fed and that doesn’t make me any less of a mum. If you want to breastfeed, that’s great too but don’t be too hard on yourself. It can be quite tough. I guess what i’m trying to say is, just do whatever you feel is best for you and your baby, no one should be passing judgment on anyone for how they choose to feed their baby so don’t let anyone make you feel bad about whichever you decide to do.
• Join a new mums group when you feel ready to. A lot of the time, most of the other people who attend these groups will be other parents with babies similar ages to your own who will then be able to sympathise with you as they will be going through similar baby aged related issues at the same time as yourself and will be able to offer you support, even someone to talk to. It helps to speak to someone who understands what you’re going through and might make you feel less alone. Who knows, you might even make some new mum friends!
• Your relationship will be pushed to its limits. I’m not trying to frighten anyone, if you have a partner by your side throughout this, your relationship is going to be tested but in turn, the limits your relationship will be pushed to will also be what strengthen your relationship. There are going to be ups and downs, for example, when I see my partner with our children, I think to myself ‘I love him even more now than I did before we became parents’ and sometimes when I’ve been up in the night with Kora while I can hear him snoring on the other side of the bed, I’ve wanted to push him onto the floor. Balance.
• Give yourself time to recover. Do not put yourself under any more unnecessary added pressure to lose weight or fit into pre pregnancy clothes. It takes about 6 months after giving birth for our bodies and our hormones to begin to normalise again. You have just grown and birthed a baby, you’re already amazing.
• It’s okay to cry. Becoming a mum, going through all those changes as well as sleep deprivation is tough and it’s okay to feel sorry for yourself. The baby blues kicked in for me on day 4 after having both of my babies, I cried about everything. Just remember that you’re doing your best.
• Do not compare yourselves to others. Do not compare your parenting, your partner, your baby or anything else. Everyone’s parenting journey is unique to them so nothing is going to be identical to the way someone else may experience motherhood. Guidelines are just that – guides. There is nothing wrong with your, your baby or your parenting.
• Trust your instincts. With all the advice that will be thrown your way, all the opinions that people will think you want to hear, you should just do what works for you and your baby. Don’t feel pressured to do anything that does not work for your family.
• This too shall pass. In the beginning, it can be tough but the waking in the night, the teething, it is all just a phase or a stage and you will get through it. This too shall pass.
• You might not enjoy every moment. Some days will be harder than others and it doesn’t mean you’re a terrible mum, it probably just means you’re overwhelmed or exhausted.
• You’re allowed to complain. Almost 5 years of being a mum, 2 kids later and I’m only just realising this. I am allowed to complain and no one will think that I don’t love my children.
• There will be good days and bad days. You’ll have days when you feel like a boss ass mum and you’ll have days when you wonder if you’re even cut out for this and the answer to that is yes you are. You absolutely are.

Lastly, you are doing a fabulous job and your baby is so lucky to have you as their mama.

Thank you for reading my mum to mum advice. If you are a new mum, what advice have you found helpful? (Or not so helpful) please let me know by leaving me a comment!

Yesterday I went out for food and drinks with the girls for the first time ever since before Kory was even born and he’s almost five years old now btw! Yes, it has been that long… I can’t say I have missed going ‘out out’ if I’m being honest because in all honesty, it’s not something pre parent me did often anyway. Don’t get me wrong, since becoming a mum I have been out with R, just the two of us or with our friends but just never by myself. Not because I can’t (well, Covid hasn’t helped with that recently) but because I do prefer to be at home or with my family.

Yesterday the weather was not on our side at all, it had been raining hard ALL day but it had been that long since I’d been out and I was looking forward to some well needed (and deserved!) time to myself that even if a tornado was to come ripping through I made sure I was going out yesterday. (Pass me a cocktail!) I went out yesterday because it was for my friends birthday and it was really nice to make an effort with my appearance, to get dressed up, put on a bit of make up and to style my hair. I felt really good about the way that I looked too and made sure to take lots of pictures to remember this rare moment as I usually just rock the mum bun every day! It was also nice being able to sit and have something to eat and drink without having to keep stopping mid meal to fetch one of the kids something and to be able to have an actual adult conversation without one of the kids interrupting. I think I’d forgot what that’s actually like!

I almost talked myself out of going (like I always do with everything) but I’m glad that I didn’t because it turns out that I genuinely had a lovely evening yesterday. I’m pleased to say that I’m not suffering from a hangover today either (just the thought of having to take care of both kids as well as everything else whilst being hungover sounds like my idea of hell tbh) but that’s not why I’m not hungover today. The table was booked for 3:00pm, I had my meal and a few cheeky cocktails (sex on the beach for me please!) and I was home for 6.30pm. I had a really nice night but going ‘out out’ isn’t really my scene and I felt like I was ready to come home after a few hours.

And I don’t see anything wrong with that. Some people might think I’m a bit like a grandma because I don’t wanna be out on the lash all night but I love nothing more than being at home. It’s not that I’m boring and don’t want to socialise or drink even, it’s just that I’d sooner do those things from the comfort of my own home and preferably in my slippers. Lol.

I called R and he came to pick me up with the kids. I was so happy to see them and they were so happy to see me. I’d had a great time but I’m happiest when I’m with my crazies.

I think if the offer to go out comes up again, I will definitely be saying yes instead of telling myself a million reasons why I shouldn’t go and should just stay in yet again. Going out gave me the perfect excuse to get dressed up and meant that I could socialise with people who aren’t my own two kids for a change. (Not that I don’t love that – but it made a nice change talking about something other than Minecraft and Blippi!) And being able to wear something other than my usual converse and leggings combo was a nice change too. Even if it means I will always be the first one to go home and pop my feet up with a brew before the night is over, that’s ok with me.

Until next time, I’m just gonna whack my house gown on and stick something else on the tele.

Thanks for reading!

You can love being a mum and feel absolutely shattered at the same time.

You can love being a mum and just want a break from it all.

You can love being a mum and sometimes lose your patience.

You can love being a mum and feel like you just want a good cry.

You can love being a mum and wonder if you’re any good at it.

You can love being a mum and go to bed feeling like you’ve failed.

You can love being a mum and do nothing but watch tv with the kids all day sometimes.

You can love being a mum and not always want to play.

You can love being a mum and order a takeaway if you can’t be bothered to cook.

You can love being a mum and have a messy house.

You can love being a mum and be annoyed about the mess in the house.

You can be both.

Being a mum is hard work. Even on a good day of parenting, there are still difficult moments. It is often the more lovely parenting moments that leave you feeling like supermum or make your heart just want to burst that make it all worthwhile and make us forget about the more difficult parenting moments but other times, on those days when parenting feels a bit heavier, it might feel like the bad outweighs the good.

Yesterday was one of those days for me. It was very much up and down all day right from the get go. The morning started off great, we were all up, washed, dressed and had eaten breakfast in time ready for school. The house was tidy and I felt like I was on a roll. But it all went a bit t!ts up after that. After I’d dropped Kory off at school, I went to do my food shopping and Kora was misbehaving, she was trying to climb out of the trolley the whole way round the shop and once I got home, I realised I’d forget to buy half of the food I went shopping for. Then the day got a bit better again right before totally messing up just before bedtime. It left me feeling like a bit of a sh!t mum and I was ready to hand myself the worlds worst mum award but as I lay there unable to sleep last night, I realised that although I make mistakes as a mum sometimes and I don’t always feel like I have done my best. It does not define me as a mum. It does not mean I don’t love being a mum and it certainly does not mean that I love my children any less even on a particularly hard day. My kids know that I mess up sometimes, I’m not perfect and when I know I’ve messed up, I make a point of apologising but my kids also know how loved they are and that will never change.

I have always wrote honestly on my blog, I share the good, the bad and the ugly with you all because I think if people are going to talk about parenting and everything that comes with that, then they might as well be honest about it.

I know what it’s like to be woken up by your child and have them immediately demand your full attention when you’ve hardly even had a split second to open your eyeballs fully and take a breath. I know what it feels like to have a child climbing all over you constantly and how that can leave you feeling frustrated. I know what it feels like to still be tired from the night before and how we still have to plod on the next day regardless. I know how it feels when you’d really rather not get down and play with toys and you’d much rather just sit in front of the tv but we do what is required of us anyway.

I can’t promise you that you will never not feel the weight of a difficult day of parenting again but like everything, it is just a fleeting moment and it will pass. Although difficult to deal with and some moments harder than others, it does not make you any less of a mum. What I can promise you is that there will always be good parenting days too. I’m not hear to tell you to ‘treasure every moment, even the difficult ones’ because there are some days that we as parents can’t wait to see the back of! I’m here to tell you that you are amazing, you are doing a great job and you are a good mum, even on those days when you might feel too tired to realise that.

Being a good mum doesn’t mean you always plan loads of activities for you and your kids to do together to fill the day, it doesn’t mean you always genuinely want to play, being a good mum doesn’t mean you don’t sometimes feed your kids convenient junk food and it does not mean that you don’t let your kids watch hours of tv. Being a good mum can mean messing up, sometimes yelling and saying sorry for that. Being a good mum can mean sending your kids to bed an hour earlier than usual but reading that story book despite barely being able to read a sentence without yawning. Being a good mum can mean giving plenty hugs and kisses to your kids, being a good mum can mean simply telling your kids how much you love them.

So on those days when you might feel a bit sh!t, just know that you will make it through like you have done before and that you already are a good mum because you can be both.

It’s no secret that when I first became a mum, I lost my identity. It took me some time but I did start to find myself again. I started to do the things I enjoyed and stopped feeling guilty for having some time just for myself. I’d found me again. Or so I’d thought. As the years went by, I thought I’d got my identity back but it seems it is so easy to just lose who you are throughout motherhood and today is yet another day where I have found myself feeling a little bit… lost. Again.

Things change once you become a parent and sometimes you have to make sacrifices in order to put your children first which I’ve accepted. I’ve let go of a lot of things I used to enjoy for the simple fact that I can’t find the time to do them because I’m doing another million and one things that are required of me as a mum. It isn’t that I don’t love being a mum because I love being a mum more than anything in this world but there is a transition from pre parent you to who you are now, so much of your life changes that it’s a struggle just to catch up sometimes.

Remember when we could watch whatever we wanted to watch, we ate what we wanted to eat, we drank our drinks at the temperature we wanted to, if we felt tired – we slept… We might not have realised it at the time but we were fully in control of our own lives. Though we’re still in control now, things feel different, don’t they? What we want and what we might want to do, doesn’t really matter as much as it used to before. As parents, we consider our children’s needs above our own.

We lose our identity because our lives revolve around our children but I’ve come to realise that there’s a difference between having a daily routine that revolves around your family and the entire meaning of your life revolving around them. It is possible to be a mum and still be involved in other things and that’s what I’m here to tell you. Date nights, time to myself, reading and blogging are just a few of the things that help me feel more like me and not just mum. I’m still Kirsti, I’m still only human and without these things, being stuck in the same parenting bubble doing the same thing, looking at the same four walls is enough to drive me crazy. Taking time for me is what keeps me sane and allows me to recuperate and is by no means selfish. Something as a mum, I struggled to accept at first.

So when I find myself feeling ‘lost.’ I know it’s time for me to take some necessary time just for myself. Some days I’m lucky if I even bother to brush my hair but on a day like today when I’m trying to feel connected to me again, I make a point of making more of an effort with my appearance. I’m not talking about make up and matching nail polish because I’m really not fussed about any of that stuff but I am talking about putting together an outfit that might make me feel better about myself, that might make me feel more comfortable and confident at the same time. It’s on these days when I ask myself ‘what is it that KIRSTI would like to do?’ ‘Is there a hobby I’ve been wanting to make more time for?’ Why yes, there is actually. Which is why I’ve ordered myself some more wool because I really want to get back into crocheting again. I miss my creations and I haven’t picked up my crochet hooks since before Kora was born. It’s been THAT long.

If you are a parent and you’re trying to find your identity again, here are some general ideas for you to try and help you stay connected to who you are. Not just your role as a parent:

• Connect with your friends. A night out, meet up for coffee, dinner at a restaurant or if your friends are also parents, meet up for a play date and let the kids burn some energy off at the park or a play area while you and your friend catch up.
• Find a hobby. Try to find a hobby that you genuinely love and make time for it, whether that be walking, painting, gardening, ect. Sometimes it’s hard to try to fit these things in around our already busy schedules but it is possible.
• Accept help. Whether that means hiring a babysitter or asking family and friends for help, do whatever it is that will help you.
• Remember to take care of yourself because you matter too! Take a long, hot, bubble bath, if you love make up, put on makeup – even if you’ve nowhere to go! If you like wearing nice clothes, get dressed up, if you like having nice hair, make a point of styling your hair. Don’t forget to do the things that bring you happiness and pleasure. Even if no one else is around to see, it will make you feel better.

Your life will never be the same as it once was before you became a parent but that’s okay because beneath all of the chaos that comes with parenting, you are still an individual, an individual who matters and on those days when you feel a little ‘lost’ (as I call it) you will start to find yourself again.

You haven’t lost your identity, it’s just hidden somewhere. Probably underneath all the toys the kids have left laying around!

I’ve wrote about why I’m proud of my blog but I wanted to share with you all why I love my blog.

Some of you may like to read what I write, some of you may wonder why I write at all and some of you may even wonder what even is the point in blogging.

Well, for me, being able to write down my thoughts, feelings, any experiences I’ve had and to be able to document this journey and any memories I’ve made along the way makes me incredibly happy. I love to share all of this and more because all of this is important to me. I love the idea of one day being able to look back and read all of this, regardless of whether any one else reads or even cares what I have to write about.

Although I may not post new content daily, or sometimes even weekly, I can’t imagine not blogging. My blog has always been a way for me to clear my mind, to write down what it is that I might be experiencing during that point in my life, whether that be negative or positive and in turn, given me a safe place for me to pour all of this out.

Through blogging, I’ve made some great friends. It’s crazy to think I may never have got to know them had I not started my blog. Some of my closest blogging friends are Rebecca over at www.ourreubeadays.wordpress.com and Cristie who I follow on Instagram: Mummyhardlove as fellow mums they can totally relate to any parenting problems I may have faced and we have helped each other through some difficult, personal times too. Knowing these mums and knowing they have experienced the same motherhood struggles I have, reassured me and made me feel less alone.

So thank you both.

My blog cheers me up. We all talk about self help and the importance of mental health. I found what’s good for my soul and that’s my blog. My blog is what keeps me sane and makes me happy. It’s my own little space that is just for me, a place for me to talk openly and freely about whatever I like. I honestly believe we should all do more of the things that make our hearts sing and I’ve found that within my blog.

Without sounding like I’m blowing my own trumpet, I love that my blog has helped people. I feel like writing truthfully has allowed others who have read my blog to feel less ‘weird.’ I love my readers and I love reading comments and feedback from them. Especially the positive comments about how reading what I have wrote has helped them in some way. I feel privileged that I have been able to give back in some way to people simply just by doing what I love. And that’s writing.

Being able to earn some extra money and/or receive freebies by blogging is definitely a bonus. However, I do not earn thousands of pounds from my blog, in fact sometimes I earn nothing at all because in order to do that, you have to consistently put the work in and I have not always committed to my blog as much as I probably could. I’ve never denied this. But blogging for me has never been about the money. There are other reasons why I love blogging that are so much more meaningful than just making money. I feel fortunate just being able to work alongside some amazing brands and receiving fantastic products that I may not have discovered otherwise.

My blog has given me a purpose. I always feel like I’ve accomplished something the moment I complete a blog post and share it with you all. This sense of purpose really benefits me and makes all the time I put into my writing totally worth it.

I love my blog and I can’t wait to see where it takes me next. As for my readers, thank you all for reading and for all your continued support. Every time you leave me a like, comment or a share – I do a lil happy dance. So, thank you. I hope you enjoyed reading all about why I love my blog. Please let me know your thoughts by leaving me a comment.

Until next time,

Kirsti, xo

(That’s brown play doh on the table by the way just incase anyone was thinking it’s poop LOL)

I guess I’ve been lucky that both of my children have always been pretty good eaters. They’d quite happily eat anything I put in front of them and a good portion of it too. It made meal times really simple. It always made me feel good knowing that they enjoyed what I’d made them to eat, it gave me great satisfaction to see that they’d eaten all of their dinner I’d made them and it made me proud that they ate some of the healthier food choices I made for them too. That is until recently anyway… Kory has become such a fussy eater lately and it’s proven to be quite the challenge. Where as Kora will still quite happily eat anything and everything we give her.

I guess I didn’t realise just how lucky I was… At least one of my children is still eating the food I make them without complaining!

I do try to give my children lots of fruit and vegetables and most of the time they will eat them but I’ve never been the type of parent to claim that they only prepare fresh, healthy, home cooked food for their children every day. In an ideal world that would be great but some days can get a little crazy and sometimes it’s required to just grab whatever you can find out of the freezer and whack it in the oven and there’s nothing wrong with that. My kids do eat frozen pizzas, fish fingers, chicken nuggets and that sort of thing too before anyone starts thinking I’m some sort of snob but because my children have always been such good eaters, I do try to give them as much goodness as I can because it’s good for them but not just that, I know that they’ll eat it anyway and it’s because of this that I never thought I’d have to worry about either of them becoming fussy when it comes to food.

I was wrong. And in this blog post I’d like to talk about how I’ve learned to cope with my very own little fussy eater and what I find helps with that.

Now I’m no Gordon Ramsay but I’m pretty sure my cooking isn’t THAT bad. Kory started out as a really good eater and always has been up until recently. So much so that if he was ever ill, I knew this because he’d be off his food which would be so unlike Kory, he LOVED his grub. He would always finish his breakfast, dinner, tea and supper with snacks in between too and would always look forward to whatever I made him without kicking up a fuss. When all of a sudden this all changed. His favourite foods he once loved, such as, meatballs, scrambled egg, pasta, he wouldn’t even touch anymore. These were all things he’d previously enjoyed, they were things he used to ask me to make him multiple times a week so I couldn’t understand why he suddenly stopped liking them. At first it was just a couple of things he no longer liked and then he started to question everything I was making him to eat.

Everything I made him would be met with a resounding ‘I don’t like that anymore’ or ‘ew what’s that’ and it got to a point were the only things Kory would eat were noodles and chicken nuggets so mealtimes became a bit of a nightmare in our house. Once I’d established that there was no underlying condition for him to suddenly become such a fussy eater and that it was simply just a case of him growing more independent and deciding for himself what he’d like to eat, I introduced some changes to the way that I was trying to encourage him to eat more of a varied diet and I have to say, it’s had a positive result.

I’d love to say that Kory has gone back to eating anything and everything I make him again but he does not, however, he does eat more of a wide range of foods now.

So, what changes did I make I hear you ask?

Well, experts will tell you that you shouldn’t ‘bribe’ children to eat, however as a parent of a fussy eater, it’s one of the things that worked for me. Just a few of the things Kory hadn’t lost his taste for were crisps, sweets and chocolate and so if he wanted to eat any of those, he had to eat his dinner or at the very least try what was on his plate first. The second change I made was I added ‘eat all of my dinner’ to Kory’s reward chart which he has to fill, amongst other things on his reward chart by the end of the week in order to get a treat. The third change I made was I tried a different way to encourage Kory to try new foods, instead of just saying ‘it’s good to try new things’ which it is but that just wasn’t cutting it for Kory. Instead, I’d sit with him at mealtimes and we’d talk about what was on our plates, if I had something different, I’d tell him it was nice and ask him if he’d like to try some which 9 times out of 10, because he’d seen me eating it, he wanted to try some for himself. The last thing I tried to encourage Kory to try new foods was I incorporated some of his interests into our meal times. So an example of this would be that I told Kory that Spider-Man said it’s good to try new things, there’s actually a video of this on YouTube and when I showed it to Kory it made him smile. I mean, it’s one thing your mum telling you but Spider-Man?! Well then it must be true. Really think about your child’s interests and how you can use this to bribe them LOL just kidding, well sort of, but it could really boost their willingness at meal times.

Another big way to increase your child’s interest in food is to get them involved with the actual cooking process so that they can see what they’re going to be eating and how it was made. It’s a great way to get them to try new foods and worked for us.

Kory’s willingness for trying new things is getting better all the time. He will still ask lots of questions and prod at food before he tastes it but nevertheless, he tastes it and that’s all that matters.

Finally, what I would like to say is – if your child is a fussy eater try not to stress and/or worry. It can be frustrating but stressing about it won’t help you or your child as they will pick up on that and stressing never helps anybody, it doesn’t change anything. The more I pushed Kory to eat, the less willing he was to try anything new to eat. Sometimes what you’re doing will feel hopeless but just know that most children do grow out of fussy eating habits as they grow older. Be patient and try not to force anything on your child and in the mean time, offer them what you already know they will eat as well as a healthy option and a different side to try.

I am by no means an expert and I am by no means claiming to be, I just wanted to share with you all what works for us for anyone else who may be looking for ideas to help with their very own fussy little eater.

Is your child a fussy eater? What do you find helps them and you at meal times? Please leave me a comment below.

As always, thanks for reading.