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Sometimes you just need a break

When you’re a mum, looking after the kids, running a household and dealing with everything else that life throws at you all at the same time – sometimes you just need a break.

I understand that going to work all day as a parent isn’t fun or easy either. I get that I’m lucky enough to be able to stay home with my children. I haven’t always been a stay at home mum, I do understand the responsibilities and stresses of life outside of motherhood.

As a stay at home mum, when I say I need a break I don’t mean a holiday or a reward for doing my job which is looking after Kory and Kora every day. I’m talking about just being able to have five minutes to myself so that I can feel sane. I want and need a break from time to time, not because I’m bored or looking for some fun, I want and need a break because I put absolutely everything I am into staying at home and raising my kids and let me tell you something, it isn’t easy. In fact, it’s damn well hard some days.

I can admit that I need a break but I won’t ask for help and sometimes even when the help is there, I don’t accept it. Or won’t accept it shall I say. Not because I’ve got too much pride but because I feel like accepting help is me admitting that I find life as a mum hard sometimes and that makes me a failure. And even when I do get time to myself I just feel guilty the entire time. Guilty for ‘palming’ my kids off. Which I know is a load of rubbish and it’s silly for me to even feel that way but in my mind that’s how I think and I can’t help it.

So what do I do instead? I end up pushing myself until I feel totally empty with no energy for anything at all. Which is no good, is it? It isn’t good for me and it isn’t good for my children. Because although I feel like I’m being the best mum that I can be by being with them all the time, I’m not really am I because when I’m with them I’m doing the bare minimum with bare minimum effort because that’s all I can do. There is nothing else left for me to give. I can’t summon up the strength to give anything else because I’m pouring from an empty cup.

I really am my own worst enemy and I need to remember that it’s okay to accept help, it’s okay to admit that i’m struggling and it’s okay to have some time just for me and to actually enjoy that time without punishing myself for doing so. If I want to be the best mum that I can be, then I really do need a break sometimes and if I don’t want to go insane, then I need to do it for myself too, even if it’s just for an hour so that I can refuel.

Sometimes you just need a break. A break from the responsibilities of being a parent, a break from the craziness and even a break from the kids and that is totally okay. In fact it’s more than okay. It’s necessary.

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Deep Freeze review

Since having Kora and having two children to take care of and run around after now, I’ve been rushed off my feet and I’ve found that I’ve been having a bit of lower back ache at the end of each day.

I don’t really like to take pain killers if I can help it so I was looking for an alternative to help with my back pain. That was when I decided to get in touch with Deep Freeze, who then so very kindly agreed to send me some of their Deep Freeze pain relief cold patch samples to try out.

After receiving my samples, I put them straight to the test…

I have to say, the Deep Freeze cold patches worked like a miracle on my lower back, with a menthol scent and easy application, after applying the cold patch I could feel it start to work instantly and it provided me with long lasting relief.

I highly recommend the Deep Freeze pain relief cold patches to anyone suffering with any sort of pain and/or muscle problems. These Deep Freeze products offer fast acting pain relief that is drug free which means that they are also suitable for use during pregnancy at a time when you are unable to take pain killers and certain medication which is very useful and I only wish I had used the cold patches myself when I was pregnant!

The Deep Freeze cold patches are available to buy from Boots, Superdrug, local pharmacies and all major supermarkets. They cost £4.99 for a pack of 4.

Thank you for reading my review and thank you to Deep Freeze once again for agreeing to send me some of their samples.

* Please note, I received these products in exchange for an honest review. All views and opinions are my own. *

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My hands may be full but my heart is fuller

This little one doesn’t want me to put her down today but at least it’s Saturday and we don’t have to rush out of the house to be anywhere, it’s okay that there’s still pots to be washed and it’s perfectly acceptable that Kory is still wearing the same pyjamas he went to bed in the night before.

Because I realised something today.

I realised the house work can wait.

Everything can wait.

I’ve always liked to keep a nice, clean and tidy house. In fact, I like to keep everything in my life neat and organised. I’m known for being quite a particular person.

When I was pregnant with Kory, people would always tell me ‘you’ll have to get used to mess once the baby arrives’ but that wasn’t the case for me. Without sounding like I’m blowing my own trumpet, after Kory was born I somehow still managed to stay on the ball with everything. I still managed to keep on top of the house work and keep my home looking nice. There’s been times when I’ve found it difficult to do so don’t get me wrong, like when Kory dropped his naps during the day and started to sleep only at bedtime but I still caught up and got done what I needed to get done. Even if it meant waiting until he had gone to bed before I could make a start on the house work.

But since having Kora as well as Kory to look after, I’ve found it really hard to find the time for house work or the time to do anything in fact! I have every intention of getting through my to do list for the day but I’m busy looking after both kids and running a house that I feel as though I blink and the day is over with before I even know it and once they’ve both finally gone to bed I’m way too tired to be cleaning the house.

But you know what? It can all wait.

I don’t want to lose my patience with Kory because there are dishes in the sink or because I haven’t managed to hoover yet. I don’t want to put Kora down as soon as she’s been fed, changed and fallen asleep. I want to cuddle her.

It was much easier to keep up with the house work when it was just Kory I had to take care of because he goes to nursery 3 days a week and when he’s home he likes to play in his bedroom which means I had a lot more free time to get stuff done. I think one of the things I have found the hardest since becoming a mum of two is accepting that I may not be able to get as much done as I used to be able to and to not punish myself for that.

What could be more important than playing with your child and cuddling your baby? Nothing. Because even when I think I’m doing ‘nothing,’ playing and cuddling is doing something and it’s a lot more important than those pots that need washing.

Kory is now 3 years old and the time I have had with him has already gone by so fast and I want to treasure my time with both of my children. He isn’t going to be my little boy forever and Kora isn’t always going to be this small. One day when they’re both grown up and they don’t want to play with mummy anymore, I’ll feel sad and I’ll have all the time in the world to tidy the house.

When Kory and Kora look back on their childhoods, I don’t want them to remember a mum that never had the time for them, a mum that would always brush them off because she prided herself more on what her house looked like. I want them to remember a mum that made them laugh and smile and actually spent time with them.

I want them to remember all the mess we made and all the fun we had making it together.

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Catching up

I know it’s been a while since I last posted anything and I am sorry about this. A lot has happened since I was last here so I thought I’d better give you all an update.

First things first, baby K was born! Our beautiful daughter made her entrance on her due date after months of worry and us anticipating her arrival after quite a few scares and being told I was ‘high risk’ throughout the pregnancy and was most likely going to have another prem baby. Despite this she proved us all wrong, including me who was also expecting her to join us sooner and she was born at exactly 40 weeks on the 13th of September weighing 6lb 3oz at 5:47pm after a very quick delivery. There will be a blog post solely sharing her birth story with you all very soon (I promise!)

We named her Kora Robyn Lonsdale.

So I’m guessing some of you may be wondering where I’ve been but the truth is I haven’t been anywhere, in fact I haven’t even been through the door!

1. Because it takes forever to get two kids out of the house!

2. I actually feel a little overwhelmed when I think about taking them out.

Since having Kora, i’m finding life with two kids a little crazy to say the least and I’m still trying to find my feet as a new mum of 2. Everyone told me when I was pregnant with Kora that it would be hard at first juggling two kids and I sort of just agreed but it really is. It’s a lot harder than I ever imagined. Kory is a wonderful big brother and Kora is a dream, she’s honestly such a good baby but usually when I’m feeding Kora, Kory will want me for something or when i’m playing with Kory, Kora will wake and I just feel like I don’t have enough hands! I literally feel like I need to split myself in two sometimes. For 3 years Kory has had me all to himself and we have spent so much time together just the two of us that I think we’re both finding it difficult now that all that has changed and with this comes a great deal of guilt on my part and I often feel quite overwhelmed by this. Obviously things have changed for the better, giving Kory a little sister and seeing him with her is the best feeling ever but it’s still been a massive adjustment.

I’m sure I will get into the swing of things soon and establish some sort of routine in time but for now, i’m just winging this whole thing and hoping for the best…

I hope I can get back to blogging more regularly too, blogging for me has been a great way for me to talk about how i’m feeling and for me to share with you all what I’m going through at that particular time in my life. I think it’s safe to say that since having my baby my emotions have been all over the place as I’m sure many of you will have experienced yourselves after having children. I mean just the other day I cried because my bump had gone and I was no longer pregnant! What was I expecting to happen?! It’s silly I know but it still makes me a little sad when I think about it. So not only would I like to get back to blogging again because it’s something I enjoy doing but because I think it would really help me right now.

So that’s you all caught up with what’s been going on in my life! I have lots of different posts that I have planned to write and share with you all so don’t go anywhere, please stick around and bare with me. I’m new to this parenting two children malarkey!

Thanks for reading and I promise that I won’t leave it as long next time.

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My child doesn’t leave me alone

As a boy mum, I am used to the fact that my days consist of Kory wanting to wrestle, who can shout the loudest contests, farts and mud. And when he’s not wrestling me, he wants to cuddle me or sleep with me and that’s nice but some days when I’ve not stopped tidying, i’ve done the food shopping, unpacked and put it away and entertained him all morning (all before even having a second for myself!) it would be nice to be able to just sit down with a cup of tea and to just have a moment. But usually the second I sit down Kory will want to show me something or ask me for something and sometimes I feel like my child doesn’t leave me alone.

Even writing this blog post was a challenge!

I don’t mean to sound like a ‘bad’ mum and some of you may think I’m selfish for feeling this way but when you’ve been stepped on, heard ‘mum’ shouted for the 100th time, been pushed and accidentally run over by a bike all before dinner time as well as feeling like everything is getting on top of you, sometimes the demands and lack of space can all just get a bit too much.

I feel like as mums we’re not allowed to complain about being tired or wanting space from our children without someone saying something along the lines of ‘oh but you’ll miss this when they’re older’ or ‘make the most of your time with them’ those people need to listen up! I’m sure I will miss this when he’s older but right now, I’m exhausted and I do make the most of my time with my kid, I spend my life raising him! As mums we are allowed to feel things and we’re allowed to complain, it doesn’t mean we don’t love our children!

It just means we’re human.

I feel like my child doesn’t leave me alone because he doesn’t. Some days I can handle that, some days I can’t, some days I feel like supermum and some days I feel like I wanna cry. That’s what being a mum is.

My child doesn’t leave me alone.

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Everyone always says ‘you will lose your friends when you have a baby’

Or ‘you will find out who your true friends are when you’ve had a baby’ and whilst that may be true, I’ve been lucky enough to still have a few close friends stick around.

I certainly did realise who my true friends were. I did lose friends after having a baby, some friends did leave. Some were around throughout the pregnancy but never visited us after Kory was born, some friends visited once but then the novelty must have just worn off and other friends stayed and I’m thankful for those few.

I’m thankful that I did learn who my true friends are after having a baby.

The friends that have stuck around are the same friends that have always been there for me.

Us.

The same friends I know I could always turn to, the friends that have been there for every birthday, when we moved out, when we got engaged, when we found out we were pregnant for the first time and now for the second, when we found out we were having a baby boy, when we found out we were having a baby girl, when we had the baby and they’re still by our side today.

And now they’re right beside Kory every step of the way too and I know they will be great with baby K as well.

They love Kory just as much as we do and I couldn’t of wished for a better group of friends or godparents to be a part of Kory’s life and baby K’s once she’s here.

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Kory turned 3!

I’m sorry this blog post is a little late but we have had a busy couple of days.

Kory turned 3 years old on Thursday and I definitely had mixed feelings about this. If you’re a parent yourself then you will already know that it is so bittersweet watching your kids grow up because as amazing as it is to watch them learn and grow into their own little person, time just seems to go nowhere and I find myself wishing he could stay my little boy forever. I can’t believe 3 years have gone by already, why do they have to grow up so fast?! (Yes I have cried about this multiple times on the days leading up to his birthday, on his birthday and even on the days afterwards.) I am just so proud of him. Kory has brought us nothing but happiness from the day he was born.

I think it’s safe to say that Kory had the best day on his birthday and so did we celebrating with him. Kory was bought lots of lovely presents from us and all of our family and friends which included his first big boy bike and a new trampoline! After he had finished opening all of his presents in the morning, we got ready and we took him to Blackpool Zoo for the day and whilst at Blackpool we took Kory to Coral Island (his favorite place) before heading back home and having birthday cake! Kory has been well and truly spoiled, he is one very lucky little boy and we feel lucky to be his parents.

Kory’s birthday was such a busy, busy day that he didn’t have much time at all that day to actually play with any of the presents that he’d been bought because by the time we got home from Blackpool it was pretty late and Kory was so tired that not long after blowing out the candles on his birthday cake he went straight to bed. So the next day we just had a day spent at home, we stayed in our pyjamas and we just played with all of his new toys all day!

So that was Kory’s 3rd birthday, it still feels strange to me that he is a whole 3 years old even as I am typing this out and that has been our weekend so far.

If anyone wants me i’ll just be over in the corner crying while looking through all Kory’s old pictures from when he was baby…

Mummy and daddy love you all the world, Kory George.

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It’s okay to do nothing

I don’t know who else needs to hear this but I definitely need reminding that sometimes it’s okay to do nothing. So here is a reminder from me to you, from one mum to another.

It’s okay to not have plans, it’s okay to not have planned lots of activities for you and your child to do together, it’s okay to stay at home and it’s okay to do just that, absolutely nothing.

Sometimes me and Kory stay home, we don’t go out and we may not do anything in particular or do anything much at all really and this is when I usually make myself feel really bad for that. I often feel guilty and tell myself that Kory is bored and that I should make more of an effort. Even if he isn’t. When in fact, those days when we stay home and just hang out, are the days that Kory enjoys the most!

And today was one of those days.

I hadn’t made any plans for me and Kory and I had no idea where the day was going to take us. We ended up just staying at home, I did some sorting out and some tidying in the morning whilst Kory played with his toys and then me and Kory played together in the garden for the rest of the day and that was it. That’s all we did.

Kory helped tidy the garden with his garden tools, he played with a big bowl of water and some toy cars and he was so excited when he found a slug and a snail too! Which I know might not sound like much – that’s because it isn’t but for a 2 year old, it is enough. Kory actually had a really fun day today.

And do you know what? Sometimes it’s actually quite nice to do nothing.

Life as a mum can get so busy, it would be impossible to do something or go somewhere every day, all of the time. So it’s not that I choose to do nothing because I can’t be bothered, sometimes it’s hard to even find the time to do anything. Most of the time I’m run ragged anyway. I’m taking Kory here or there, I’m trying to make it through my never ending to-do-list as well as taking care of Kory, the pets and the house and not to mention how much it would cost if we were to go out somewhere every day. It just isn’t practical but saying that, it wouldn’t make me a bad parent for choosing to do nothing because I simply felt like I needed to take it easy.

So don’t feel bad if you and your child stay home, don’t punish yourself once they’ve gone to bed because you feel like you could have done more. Use that time to just hang out with each other, with no pressure or expectations and take time to be un-busy. I can promise you that your kids won’t be bored, they’ll appreciate the time that they get to spend with you. Our lives are crazy enough as it is without demanding even more from ourselves.

I’m glad that I wrote this blog post, I catch myself feeling like this quite often whenever me and Kory haven’t done much but the next time that I do feel that way, I’m gonna read this back to myself and remind myself that it’s okay to do nothing! Kory is okay with us doing ‘nothing’ and I need to remember that it’s okay for us to do nothing.

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Every single night

Every single night after i’ve put Kory to bed, I watch him as he sleeps and I forget how much of a pain in the ass he’s been that day, I forget that just minutes before he finally gave in and fell asleep, he’d been fighting his sleep for over an hour.

Every single night I look down at how innocent he looks when he’s sleeping and I am filled with guilt.

Good old mum guilt.

I punish myself for the mistakes I made that day. For losing my patience with him when he just didn’t listen, for getting angry when I needed to tidy the house and he wouldn’t let me, I punish myself when I think I didn’t spend enough time with him, organising activities and learning him new things, for us spending too much time in front of the tv and not enough time playing, for sticking a mini pizza in the oven for tea instead of making him something healthy and homemade.

I punish myself every. single. night.

The thing is, they don’t give you lessons on how to be a good parent, all I can do is try my best at this parenting thing, every day I’m winging it and hoping that my best will be good enough. I don’t mean to snap and lose my patience, I’m just tired. I’m trying to hold it all together but some days I feel like I could scream! I’m a mum who loves her son so much that it hurts to admit that sometimes it’s hard.

I’m just a mum who goes to bed every single night promising that I will do a better job tomorrow.

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What I am going to do differently this time round

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When you have your first child, everything is so new and you don’t know what to expect. Every experience is your first. Your first positive pregnancy test, first scan, first pregnancy announcement, first time giving birth, first everything. It’s amazing and although you wouldn’t change anything about having your child, there may be some things that you would do differently next time.Through my previous experience with Kory, here’s what I am going to do differently this time round with baby number 2:

  • I am going to go out more. I’ve always been a bit of a home body and always preferred staying in over going out. That’s just how I am, I’ve always been the same. After having Kory, I felt really overwhelmed and didn’t want to leave the house but I think when you have a child, you have to make yourself go out, it wasn’t healthy for me and Kory to both stay couped up all the time and there’s nothing I enjoy more now than taking him out to different places and on days out, I only wish I had done it sooner. So this time when I feel afraid to leave the house, I’m gonna remind myself that it’s okay and I’m gonna make myself.
  • Say NO to visitors. This is a big one for me. Kory was premature and as a result of this, spent the first 2 weeks of his life in the hospital after being born. When the time came to bring him home, I just wanted to be able to enjoy him with my partner as Rory was due to go back to work the next day. I thought people would understand this but obviously not. It was nice that people wanted to come and visit Kory but I would have liked to have been able to enjoy him myself first as I hadn’t really been able to in the hospital. The nurses did the night feeds as I had been discharged from the hospital, the nurses knew how to wind him and how to comfort him, I felt like they knew my child better than I did and this was my chance to get to know him. The whole experience was horrible and I feel like it was ruined for us, I just wanted to cry the entire time whenever someone came round and scream ‘give me back my child!’ I am hoping and praying that this baby won’t be born early so that we can avoid her having to stay in the hospital after being born like Kory did but if my pregnancy experiences have taught me anything, it’s that babies come when they choose to. So this time round I will be saying no to visitors and I will be letting people know when we’re ready for them to visit.
  • Speak up and trust my instinct! When it’s your first child, people think it’s acceptable to throw all sorts of advice at you (helpful and unhelpful), criticise what you’re doing and try to overtake. With Kory being my first baby and me doubting myself, I let people tell me what to do, or listened to people tell me about my own child, even if I didn’t agree with what they were saying at the time. This time round when I disagree with a nurses opinion, I will be sure to speak up, the next time someone offers me advice, I will take what’s helpful to me and ignore the rest, the next time someone tries to overtake, they will be put back in their place, help will be accepted when and if it’s wanted.
  • Pick a better pram. I rushed into making the decision of which pram to get for Kory, I chose my pram simply because I liked the look of it. Kory was only in it for 6 months, he’d outgrown it and preferred to be sat up in a buggy. This time i’ve made sure to look into more detail and compare prams and I am happy with the pram we have chosen.

So those are the things that I have decided I will be doing differently this time round. Is there anything you wish you had done differently, did do differently or would do differently next time round?

Let me know in the comments!