We’ve made it through another day

Not that I drag myself through every day, but it’s no secret that some days can be harder to get through than others. Some days require more patience and effort, patience and effort that we don’t always feel we have and the minutes can feel like hours as they slowly pass by.

For me, today has been one of those kinda’ days.

Despite actually getting quite a lot done this morning, time just didn’t seem to be going anywhere. I would look at the clock and think to myself, how is it only dinner time? I felt like I’d been awake for 10 hours already. (I don’t think Kora being offside and waking the night before helped with that.) Unable to go anywhere as Kora now has the chickenpox and Kory is isolating from school due to a positive Covid case in his class, the kids were bored and fed up and so was I and the day just seemed to be dragging.

There are only so many hours of tv, school work and playing you can do before you run out of energy and even ideas of what to do next. Kory is sick of home learning, I’m sick of trying to be teacher and shouting and Kora just wants to cling to me. The kids were starting to get on each other’s nerves and then in turn, on mine but nevertheless, we made it through the day.

Parenting on any given day is unpredictable. You just never know what to expect. Is your kid gonna wake up in a good mood or are we starting the day with a tantrum and seeing the rest of the day go down hill from there? Will they eat what we make them for dinner or will they complain about every. Little. Thing? Will the kids get along and play nicely or is it going to sound like WWE Smackdown is happening right in your own living room.

Who knows.

Nobody knows and all any of us can do is just take it day by day, hope for the best and make it through the day. Some days we sail through smoothly and others we have to drag ourselves along but we do it.

We always do.

Just like we made it through today, we’ll make it through tomorrow.

We’ve made it through another day.

You and me both.

One of these days I will catch a break

We’ve had a pretty, crazy few weeks in our house. Sure, things could be a lot worse but I feel like life has been kicking our butt a little lately.

Needless to say we’ve had a lot of unexpected things thrown our way. I’m not even sure where to begin…

I’ll start with the car, that had to be taken to the garage for a repair, then R had to have some work done at the dentist, Kory was then sent home from school with the chicken pox, after returning for just 1 week he’s now off school again because of a positive Covid case in his class, and now Kora has the chicken pox. Throw in trying to home learn a bored, fed up child whilst taking care of a poorly one as well as taking care of everything else in general and it’s safe to say it’s been quite a costly and stressful time. I feel like I’m just about keeping my head above water at this point.

I accept that there’s little I can do about the unexpected other than do what I can and keep pushing on. Accept I can change my outlook on it all. Not that I haven’t been discouraged by everything that’s happened because yes, it sucks but things could also be a lot worse. For one, I’m thankful that our car is working as it should be again. I’m thankful that R isn’t in pain with his tooth anymore. Yes, they were expenses we could have done without having to fork out for but it’s just money. I am glad that Kory has recovered from having the chicken pox and although Kory is home from school again because of a positive Covid case in his class, I am thankful that we haven’t tested positive for Covid and that we all have our health. I hope whoever has tested positive for it is okay. It makes me sad to see Kora with the chicken pox as it did with Kory but I am sure she will make a speedy recovery as her brother did too. Trying to home learn Kory while also trying to nurse Kora better is difficult but Kory is allowed to return to school from Monday so we’re already half way there. We can get through this.

Life happens and it usually happens all at once like it has for us but everything is going to be okay. I’m sure of it. Call me foolishly optimistic but I always choose to believe that tomorrow will be a better day. It took me a really long to accept that things aren’t always under my control but I am in control of how I react to the problem.

That’s not to say that I’m not exhausted because I feel like I could really do with a break right now but I realise that in light of other peoples problems, mine are simply but a flicker. There is always a reason to be thankful and stress will only ever make things worse. One of these days I will catch a break but for now, I’m just going to continue doing what I can and find a way to relieve what stress I have in any way that I can. For me, writing this blog post helps.

What helps you when you’re feeling stressed? I hope life is treating you well.

P.S. While I am not advocating struggling and going it alone, it’s a reality that some people don’t have much help.

As always, thank you for reading this post.

Have I done enough today

Do you ever sit down at the end of the day once the kids have finally gone to bed and think to yourself ‘have I done enough today?’

I do.

I always ask myself have I done enough today and could I have done more and I do this regardless of how much i’ve actually accomplished on any given day. Granted that some days I may or may not accomplish more than on other days but I always ask myself that same question, as though what I have done is never enough. Don’t get me wrong, there are days when I go to bed feeling great because we’ve all had a really good day on that particular day but most of the time I go to bed feeling like I could have done more. Like I should have done more.

I ask myself, could I have played with the kids that bit longer? Could I have been more patient? Have I done enough for my kids today? And before I know it I’m beginning to question if i’m even a good mum at all.

I know that I’m not perfect. Sure, there are some days when I probably could have done more. I could have tidied the house more, I could have stayed more calm when the kids were misbehaving but have I done enough?

Absolutely.

Are my kids fed? Safe? Listened to? Are they happy? Yes, yes, yes and yes. So yes, although I COULD have done more. I have done enough today and every other day and so have you.

I need to remind myself of this more often. Whether I am a good mum or not should not be determined by how much I raised my voice that day or how much or how little I played with the kids and their toys for. Being a good mum is getting up every day and taking care of your kids even when you might not feel like you want to get up out of bed. Being a good mum is listening to my children and making them feel safe. Being a good mum is making sure my kids know how much I love them. Not by how many tasks I tick off my to do list that day.

I am not asking for credit or expecting praise for doing what is required of me which is being a mum and taking care of my kids because that is what we as parents do every day regardless but I am promising myself that I will appreciate myself and what I do more because being a mum is hard. Some days are harder than others and I don’t need to value myself on how much I’ve managed to get done in a day. Some days I might not do much other than watch a movie with the kids and other days we might be up, dressed and out of the house all before dinner time ready for a day filled with fun but neither day makes me any less of a mum. On those days when I feel lousy and that I haven’t achieved much, if my kids go to bed knowing how much their mum loves them I’ve already achieved more than enough for that day.

It’s because I care that I worry whether or not I’ve done enough for my kids and wonder whether or not I could have done more because I want the absolute best for my kids of course but the very fact that I worry about this type of stuff proves that I’m a good mum already. So I will no longer be punishing myself at the end of every day. It’s easy going to bed feeling good about yourself when you’ve had a positive and productive day but what I need to work on is being okay with not always being able to do everything and accepting that doing that is still doing enough.

I’m still a good mum and so are you.

I have wrote this blog post for myself and for anyone else who might wonder whether they have done enough or whether they are enough and I’m here to say that, I have done enough, I do more than enough, I am enough and you are too.

P.S. yes, even on the days when you and the kids don’t even bother to get dressed and even on those days when you’re pushed to your limit and you might shout more than you’d like to.

Remember that you’re still a good mum, that those kids of yours still love you anyway and that you’re doing enough today and every day for you and your family.

Happy anniversary

Yesterday marked mine and R’s 12 year anniversary and boy has that flown by.

Me and R have been together since the sweet age of 15 and we’ve been together ever since. We’ve basically grown up together, grown from teenagers to adults who are now responsible for our own little people who we made. Juggling work, home life and all other responsibilities. It’s crazy how much has changed over the years and how much we have changed as well. We don’t always get it right, we make mistakes but one thing that’s for sure is that we’re a team.

We have been through so much together. House moves, engagement, 2 kids later, our wedding being postponed (twice!) and many ups and downs over the years but the good has always out weighed the bad. Whatever challenges may have been thrown our way, we’ve got through them together and we always come out the other side stronger than we were before. We have always been there for one another and I really do believe that that’s why we are still together now, happily I’d like to add too and more in love than ever.

I never thought I could love R any more than I already did. He’s an amazing partner. He’s caring, he’s kind, he isn’t an asshole (ok, only sometimes… LOL Jk) he’s always there for me and he really is one of the good guys. He makes me laugh when I don’t even feel like I want to smile, he makes me feel beautiful and he’s my very best friend. I count my blessings every day that I get to call him mine and I love what we have together. I’m proud of the life we have built together. But then I watched him become a dad to our children, I seen the kind of dad he was and how good he is with our kids and I fell in love with him all over again and so much more.

The thing is, relationships aren’t always going to be easy. There are going to be disagreements and obstacles throughout but it’s how you face them together as a partnership that matters. Things aren’t always perfect but as long as you love and respect one another nothing else matters.

Looking through my pictures I realised that we don’t have many pictures together but that we have 1000s of pictures of the kids. It seems we don’t even have the time to even take a picture together these days and although life can feel a little hectic sometimes, I love R and the kids and our crazy but happy life we have built together and I wouldn’t change a thing.

There is no one else I would rather go through this crazy ride called life with.

Thank you for being in my life then, now and every day to come. Here’s to the next 12 years.

I love you.

Kirsti, xo

Rainy Sundays…

There’s just something about a rainy Sunday that I love. I love that time when everyone is at home all together which is a rarity in itself. When we spend time together just playing board games or watching movies. There’s something about the rain hitting the window while we’re all warm inside that I find so simple yet so peaceful.

The last day of the weekend before the mad Monday morning rush begins again.

Now don’t get me wrong, my house is not as tranquil as I might have made it sound in that first paragraph (one can wish though, right?) Some days we drive each other up the freaking wall. It can be quite hectic when both kids are running round, shouting, not listening and falling out. Add the dog jumping on the couch, the cat deciding to take a p!ss somewhere and the pots still being in the sink from the night before into the mix and you might get a clearer picture of what it’s actually like in our house the majority of the time but then we have days like today also. When the kids are sat nicely together, eating their dinners and watching the tv. When we’re all listening to each other and just being together. When the dog is calm in his bed, when the cat isn’t being an asshole and when there are pots in the sink but it doesn’t matter.

Although we haven’t gone anywhere, or done anything in particular today, days like today are rare but they are some of my favourite.

I love a rainy Sunday…

Mummy and daughter time

Yesterday me and Kora had some well over due mummy and daughter time.

I took Kora to the park after the school run Friday morning and her face was a picture. She asked for Kory a few times because she loves her big bro and of course it’s fun for them when they play together but she loved running round the park solo, going down the slide and being pushed on the swing and I loved watching her.

Although I felt a little guilty because I knew Kory would have loved to have come to the park as well but was unable to because he was at school, I felt more guilty for not doing more of this type of stuff just with Kora. I know why I’ve struggled with this as I have spoke about the way I feel towards this previously but it didn’t take away the sting of guilt I felt when I looked at her and seen how much fun she was having and how terrible I felt for not doing it sooner. From asking myself why have I not done this? Why am I such a bad mum? I know it’s just my silly way of thinking… I get lost in my own head sometimes but so what if I take one to the park and not the other? I would never purposefully leave either one of them out and we can go to the park as many times as we want, we can always go again and again and again, together and one on one. Not to mention the many things that Kory gets to do that Kora doesn’t. He gets invited to birthday parties, he plays out… And I don’t feel the need to feel guilty for that so I shouldn’t feel guilty for this.

Kora loves spending time just with me and I love spending time just with her, just the two of us. And I don’t need to feel guilty for having that time. That time is important. I have no regrets with Kory, I spent all my time with him before he started school full time and I look back on our time together we’re so many fond memories, we did all sorts together and I don’t wanna wish I had spent more time with Kora, I want to make sure I have all that time with her as well.

Unless you have more than one child, I don’t think you’ll understand how hard it is to want to do everything for and with them both equally and how easy it is to feel guilty. But it is something that I’m continuing to work on.

We love having mummy and daughter time.

Your first child vs your second child

I don’t know if I’m just feeling all sorts of emotions today (thanks PMS) but I’m actually crying while typing this.

I love both of my children with all that I am, I couldn’t love either of them any more if I tried. I am by no means a perfect mum but I always and will always try to be the best that I can be for them. I am their mum and they are my babies. I will always fight for them, protect them, love them hard, care for them and do anything for them. I feel incredibly blessed to have been fortunate enough to have been able to bring two healthy, beautiful children into the world. Blessed with my son (although some days he can drive me nuts!) the one who made me mama and blessed with my daughter (with more sass than she knows what to do with!) who wasn’t my first but will always be my last baby.

I am proud to say that I have good, healthy, close relationships with both of my children. I spend a lot of time with both of them, together and each on their own but there is no denying that things are just different between your first child and your second child. Not differently emotionally because I don’t love either one more than the other but circumstantially different.

When Kory was born, it was just me and him most of the time so of course we spent lots of time together just the two of us doing lots of different things and going to different places. It was easier to do this then with just having the one child as I didn’t have any other ties or children that I was responsible for. Then when Kory was 3 years old, Kora was born and so obviously thats when things did change. We didn’t have as much time any more just the two of us but that didn’t and still doesn’t seem to bother Kory. Occasionally we still have mum and son time and it’s nice when we do but just not as often.

Then when Kora was born, I found it hard to get out of the house with both children on my own for the first few weeks and then, in my defence, we did go into a national lockdown because of a global pandemic (that over a year on we’re still not fully out of might I add!) a few months after she was born which of course didn’t help my situation at the time but I still feel like I haven’t done as much with her as I once did with Kory and I feel guilty for that. It’s not that I don’t have as much one on one time with her because every day when Kory is at school, it is just me and Kora together but we’re usually just at home. We do lots of things together at home but we don’t really go anywhere and that’s my fault.

Being a mum of two, I find it really hard splitting myself in two. I feel guilty if I take Kora to the park while Kory is at school because I know how much he’d love to go to the park too, the same way I feel guilty if I buy Kory a new toy for achieving something at school and then not buying Kora one which then means I end up buying them both something because I just don’t want to leave either of them out. Of course that time with each of them by themselves just with me is important and we do have that time it’s just that I try to avoid going anywhere without them both as I really do prefer it when we go somewhere and we take both kids otherwise I’m just riddled with guilt the entire time for taking one and not the other. Am I even making sense? I feel like I might have gone crazy. I guess it’s just my way of thinking.

Growing up, I often felt left out and pushed out and I don’t ever want either of my children to feel that way and I think that’s why I worry so much about it. I love them both equally and so much and don’t want either of them to think or feel differently.

Can anyone relate to what I’m saying? Or have I totally lost the plot? I guess I just need someone to tell me that what I’m feeling is normal and that it’s okay.

If anyone has any advice for me, help a mama out.

Thanks,

Kirsti, xo

I suck at using social media

I suck at using social media. Especially when it comes to promoting my blog. I realise that in order to promote my blog I have to have some kind of following online (otherwise who am I sharing my posts with?) which I do have a reasonable amount on Instagram already but the problem is that I don’t really engage with many of the followers I already have on there and so I’m not really going to gain any more as I don’t share much on there unless it’s blogging related. I don’t share anything personal and so I’m not really engaging with anyone.

Right now I have a Facebook account and a separate page for my blog and other than sharing my blog posts I don’t really use it for much else and the same applies to my Instagram account. Unless I am sharing one of my blog posts I just don’t really use it. I guess I’m just not a fan of posting a lot of the time and I worry that means that blogging might not be the career path for me after all as I understand that the social media side of things comes with having a blog and I’m just really not into continuously posting all of the time. I’ve tried and tried and honestly, I feel like I’m forcing myself to post about things that aren’t blog related. It’s become like a chore almost.

A few months ago I was like ‘what the heck even is a story post for?’ So I guess you could say I’m a bit of a technophobe and at 26 years old, I’m one of the few as it seems everyone my age is all over social media, forever posting on their stories and I just for whatever reason – don’t.

I mean, I love love love my blog and writing, I just don’t enjoy using social media but i’ve decided I want my blog to be successful and without readers, how can that be? Do you see my problem…

But I’ve decided that I’m going to continue posting as I am anyway and only share more on my social media platforms if I feel like it. Some people reading this might think that that’s quite stubborn of me which is fare enough, I mean if I want to find a way to make my blog work then surely I should find a way to make social media work for me as well as they go hand in hand but the way I see it is that social media isn’t for everybody and it certainly isn’t for me and that’s okay but that doesn’t mean that my blog can’t be a success. I believe in what I write and I try to be as real as I can with what I write and I believe that my readers can appreciate that. I check my stats all of the time and I get views every single day so some people somewhere out there must enjoy reading what I write. Thank you to those people!

What I am going to do is I’m going to keep writing because that’s what I love to do and if people want to read what I write then they can and they will know about it as I have no problem sharing my blog posts on social media, I just have a problem sharing non related blog stuff as I don’t feel the need to post about my every move. I won’t be pressuring myself to post more than what I feel comfortable with on my social media accounts as I don’t feel that it’s necessary. If people want to know me more than just my vague social media posts then they can get to know more about me through my writing. By reading my blog. This is where I’m my most honest, this is where you will find me speaking openly and honestly about my life.

There are other ways I can grow my blogs audience that don’t need me to change my habits on social media. I could:

  • Ask readers to sign up for my blog (for free) so that they get notified by email whenever I post.
  • Ask family, friends and readers to like, comment and share my posts.
  • Keep sharing my blog posts across my social media platforms.
  • Keep on writing.

I really do believe that I can make something of my blog without changing the way that I use social media. For anyone reading this and rolling their eyes and thinking ‘oh just another mummy blog…’ I’d like to tell you that you’re entitled to your opinion but that I think you are wrong. Everyone’s parenting journey is different, no ones child is the same, no two parents are the same and so motherhood is a different experience for everyone and although we can all relate to each other on many things we all experience as parents, we also all may handle things differently from one another, we all may feel differently about different things from one another and so for me at least anyway, I don’t feel it matters that I might be ‘just another mummy blog’ because I’m writing honestly about my own family, my own kids, my own parenting struggles, my own parenting wins and my own parenting journey that is unique to me. And if writing about that helps a single person, or makes another parent feel less alone, then I’m more than happy with that and anyone who wants to read what I write is more than welcome to. Or even if I’m wrong and my blog never becomes of anything, you will still find me writing. I don’t just write for others, I write for myself too. My blog is a way for me to rid myself of any thoughts or anything that’s been weighing me down. It’s good for me to get that off my chest.

So yeah, I’m fully aware that I suck at using social media, I’m fully aware that I don’t have tens of thousands of followers and that I probably never will (because I suck at using social media like I said!) but I’m also fully aware that I love my blog and that I’m positive and determined that I’m gonna make this work. With or without social media.

Those are my thoughts on social media. How do you feel about using social media? Please let me know by leaving me a comment and if you liked this post, I would be most grateful if you could leave me a like or even better, give this post a share.

Thank you so much for reading my post. I really do appreciate each and everyone of you.

Take care,

Kirsti, xo

Chickenpox

Hi, it’s me again!

So I know I explained briefly in my last blog post that one of the reasons I had been away from my blog again was because that Kory had caught the chickenpox. I have wrote about the first time Kory was ever ill and I’ve spoke about other times when Kory and Kora have both been off side but Kory has never been quite as ill as he was when he had the chickenpox.

And oh boy am I glad that is over with.

On Monday last week he was sent home from school, along with 9 other children out of his class who had caught the chickenpox – it was clearly spreading through his class quite quickly. I went to his school to pick him up that same morning and he just had the one spot on his neck and was completely fine in himself but within a matter of hours and after having a bath the spots quickly multiplied to more and more until Kory was totally covered in the pox from head to toe. Kory had quite a bad case of chickenpox, which I’ve heard (let me know if this is false) will mean that it is unlikely that he will catch the chickenpox again as opposed to him having a milder dose which if true, I suppose is a good thing. I wouldn’t want him to have them ever again!

Anyway, Kory’s body was covered all over with the pox, they were even all in his mouth, under his tongue and at the back of his throat (who knew you could even get them in your mouth?!) meaning it was painful for him whenever he tried to eat or drink anything and he had a raging temperature to go with it too. I felt so sorry for him and I felt so helpless. I could tell he really wasn’t feeling well, my child is not one to sleep during the day but having the chickenpox wiped him out and all I wanted to do was take the hurt away from him but instead all I could offer him was calpol and calamine lotion which helped of course but only briefly.

The first three days were horrendous and so were the nights. Kory would be up the majority of the night just crying and all I could do was hold him. I think the fact that his throat was so sore was what was bothering him the most, he didn’t complain about the other spots on his body which are usually very itchy but he did well not to pick any of them. It was a heartbreaking experience and one that I am not looking forward to going through again with Kora someday. However, at least the next time round I will be more prepared and I will know what to expect.

If your child hasn’t had the chickenpox yet, here are some tips I found helpful that I hope will help you and your child when/if the time comes:

  • With Kory having the spots in his mouth, it caused him to have a red, swollen, sore throat. Plenty of cold drinks and nice ice cream for him to eat definitely helped relieve the soreness.
  • Calpol will be your new best friend. (Never give a child with chickenpox ibuprofen as it can make symptoms worse and cause serious skin infections by reacting with the chickenpox, causing them to go deeper into the skin which can then make your child very unwell.) the Calpol will help with any temperature and/or itching and pain.
  • Daily baths that are not too hot but that are nice and cool, this helps to soothe any itchy pox and is relaxing for your child too. Throw in some bath toys and make it fun!
  • Avoid using soaps and bubble bath during this time just to avoid any more irritation to the skin.
  • Gently pat skin dry after a bath (do not rub as the chickenpox will be tender to touch) once dried, finish off with covering any pox with calamine lotion.
  • Loose fitting clothes such as pyjamas are the best for your child to wear to ensure they feel as comfortable as possible.
  • Kory had little energy during the worst of it, we spent a lot of time just lay in bed and when he wasn’t sleeping we would just watch tv and play on his iPad together. It might be a good idea to buy some activity books and that sort of thing to keep your child entertained.
  • If your child is more sleepy than usual, don’t worry about your usual routine, let them sleep. They’ll need the rest and you will too.
  • There is light at the end of the tunnel. The first 3 days of Kory having the chickenpox were the WORST but once you get past that things do start to get a little easier again.
  • Having the chickenpox meant that Kory needed to have at least 5 days off school, which meant that we got to spend 5 days at home together and although it wasn’t always a pleasant experience I loved the extra time with him. No hectic school run in the morning, no rushing to play out once he gets in from school. Sometimes it can feel like I barely see Kory as much as I used to. My once little boy who always wanted to be by his mums side is now a soon-to-be 5 year old who wants to play out with his friends most of the time which is great but it was also nice for me to have that bit more extra time with him, just doing the things we don’t usually have the time to do.
  • Lastly, if you have any concerns about your child’s health or well being, do not hesitate to contact your doctor – I did and even though it turned out to be nothing I needed to worry about, speaking with Kory’s doctor reassured me and put my mind at rest.

So those are my tips for helping your child to deal with having the chickenpox, I hope you find my tips to be helpful. If your child has had the chickenpox, do you have any tips to share that I haven’t already mentioned? Please share them with us by leaving a comment!

So that was Kory’s experience with chickenpox, it was dreadful and after going into a bit more detail, I think you can see why taking care of Kory when he was ill with the pox didn’t exactly leave me with a lot of spare time for my blog. I hope you can understand.

As always, thanks for reading. If you liked this blog post, please leave it a like and/or comment.

Kirsti, xo

I’ve missed my blog

So I know I’ve been away from my blog for a short while – again and i’m not here to make excuses for that. I would love for my blog to be a success as well as something I truly love, who wouldn’t want to be able to do something that they love every single day but at the same time, my blog is my hobby and I don’t want my blog to become something I feel obliged to do. For me, that takes the enjoyment of writing away from me. I simply write when and if I can and whenever I feel compelled to write or if I feel particularly inspired and if people want to read what I write then that’s amazing.

The truth is, life has been a bit hectic for us lately. We’ve had a lot on and it just means that I haven’t had the time to sit down and write anything. Of course if I want to make something of my blog then I should prioritise my blog and set time for that but as a mum with kids and pets to take care of and a house to run, it is easier said than done. We’ve had a wall knocked down in our house, you can only imagine the mess, we’ve decorated which with two young children running around has been quite crazy and then Kory caught the chickenpox and had to have a full week at home off school. (But more on those later… Perhaps for other blog posts.) Having the house renovated and decorated and then Kory being poorly didn’t exactly leave me with a lot of free time and I missed my blog. I truly missed writing, sharing how I feel and interacting with you guys.

There was a couple of times when I sat down to write something but I just could not think what to write, I think like my house at the time my thoughts were all over the place and I couldn’t put thoughts into words and think what I wanted to write. Then with having so much else to do, I think my motivation was elsewhere but now that we’re a bit more straight again at home and now that Kory is feeling much better, I hope I will be able to share another blog post with you all again soon.

So, that’s all from me for now. I just wanted to pop on here and explain a little bit about my absence. I know this blog post was short and sweet (like me LOL) but for those of you who actually read what I write, hopefully I will have something to share with you again soon. In fact, I will. So much has happened since I last wrote anything that I need to catch you all up, don’t I!

For now, take care and as always, thanks for reading.

Kirsti, xo