Hey everyone!

So I know it’s been a while since I last wrote and shared anything with you all… again and I’m not here to make a ton of excuses for that. I mean, how many times do you need to hear me say ‘I’ve just been too busy to write anything.’ Which I guess is sometimes kinda true, life can be hectic sometimes and some days there’s simply not much time for anything else other than the kids but as I sat just thinking about the things the other day, I realised that when we don’t have the time, we make the time for the things that are important to us and writing, as I’ve said many times before, is important to me for many reasons so I should make more time for that. So here I am giving it my best shot to write something once again. I guess I’m still just trying to find a balance for everything and I’m not very good at that. But writing for me makes me feel better and I wanna make more time for the things I enjoy.

So seriously, no more excuses from me.

Right now, life is really good for me and I couldn’t be happier. I’ve started a circuit class, something I never believed I’d be able to do, my relationships are the best they’ve ever been and I feel like I’m in a really good place in all areas in my life. Things couldn’t be better. I hope you’re all well and that life is treating you good too.

Lately I’ve been feeling particularly inspired to write and I can’t wait to catch you all up with everything that’s happened since we last spoke. There’s quite a bit too! You’re in for a treat!

So if you’re still around and you fancy a catch up, I hope you’ll stick around for my future blog posts that will be coming soon. And that’s a promise.

I’m sorry that this was just a short one, I just wanted to pop on here to give you all a quick update and to let you all know that I’ll be back very soon with lots to talk about and share with you all.

As always, thank you for reading and take care.

Kirsti, xo

I know I’ve been quiet on here for a while but as you know, I started my new business – Power Crystals a month ago and it has been more successful than I could have ever imagined! Since opening I have been so busy with orders (which is a good thing!) and within my first month I have had over 60 multiple orders. I’ve just been busy, busy, busy and I’ve been wanting to get back to blogging and documenting Kory’s birthday seems like the perfect excuse to do so.

Blogging for me is a way for me to write down any thoughts and feelings I have and to get what I’m feeling off my chest. I love my blog and I always have, it has helped me in so many ways and it’s also a nice way for me to look back at some of the memories I have documented here of me, my family and my children over the years.

I’m really just trying to find that balance so that I can hopefully get back to blogging again more regularly soon.

Anyway – back to the point of this post…

Yesterday Kory turned 5 years old. Yes, you read that right. A whole 5 years old. I can’t believe it either! On the Saturday the day before his birthday Kory had a gaming party at our house. It was awesome to say the least and he absolutely loved it. The party was hosted by a company called Adaptive Gaming – you can find them on Facebook. They come out to your house and set everything up there. Inside the Marquee that was set up in the garden there was all sorts of games for Kory and his friends to play from Fortnite all the way back to some of the more retro games like the very first super Mario game. The two hosts that hosted the party were amazing with all the kids, it was the first year we had ever really hired some sort of entertainment for a birthday party as we usually just do the entertaining ourselves – by entertaining I mean running around after all the kids attending but it was nice not having a hoard of children charging round our small house for the duration of the party for a change! All that was left for us to do was to sort the birthday cake, the food and the party bags. Despite the rain that day, Kory had a fantastic 5th birthday party.

Sunday was Kory’s actual birthday and the rain still hadn’t stopped. (Fun fact – this was actually the first year that it’s ever rained on Kory’s birthday.) After the eventful party the day before, Kory was more than happy to spend the day at home after opening his presents and to just play with all of his new things. And so that’s what we did. We had a day of playing on his switch together, running around the house, having nurf wars with his nurf guns, helping Kory to try out his new skateboard and roller skates and then finishing off the day with a takeaway of Kory’s choice.

It might not sound like much to some but to us it was a lovely day.

And so that was our weekend and that was Kory’s 5th birthday. And just like that, my special little boy, the one who this blog began with, the one who made me mama, the best little boy and the best big brother turned 5 years old. It seems like just yesterday since he came into our lives, changing them forever and blessing us with his existence. When they placed that teeny tiny 4lb 7oz baby boy in my arms, I never knew it was possible to love someone that much. I have watched you grow from that tiny baby into the funny, caring and clever boy that you are today, Kory and what an experience it has been. You are amazing and mum, dad, Kora and all of your family and friends think so too.

We all love you all the world, Kory George.

Thank you for the best 5 years of my life. Thank you for choosing me to be your mum and for bringing me on this journey with you.

* This is not a sponsored blog post. *

Not that I drag myself through every day, but it’s no secret that some days can be harder to get through than others. Some days require more patience and effort, patience and effort that we don’t always feel we have and the minutes can feel like hours as they slowly pass by.

For me, today has been one of those kinda’ days.

Despite actually getting quite a lot done this morning, time just didn’t seem to be going anywhere. I would look at the clock and think to myself, how is it only dinner time? I felt like I’d been awake for 10 hours already. (I don’t think Kora being offside and waking the night before helped with that.) Unable to go anywhere as Kora now has the chickenpox and Kory is isolating from school due to a positive Covid case in his class, the kids were bored and fed up and so was I and the day just seemed to be dragging.

There are only so many hours of tv, school work and playing you can do before you run out of energy and even ideas of what to do next. Kory is sick of home learning, I’m sick of trying to be teacher and shouting and Kora just wants to cling to me. The kids were starting to get on each other’s nerves and then in turn, on mine but nevertheless, we made it through the day.

Parenting on any given day is unpredictable. You just never know what to expect. Is your kid gonna wake up in a good mood or are we starting the day with a tantrum and seeing the rest of the day go down hill from there? Will they eat what we make them for dinner or will they complain about every. Little. Thing? Will the kids get along and play nicely or is it going to sound like WWE Smackdown is happening right in your own living room.

Who knows.

Nobody knows and all any of us can do is just take it day by day, hope for the best and make it through the day. Some days we sail through smoothly and others we have to drag ourselves along but we do it.

We always do.

Just like we made it through today, we’ll make it through tomorrow.

We’ve made it through another day.

You and me both.

We’ve had a pretty, crazy few weeks in our house. Sure, things could be a lot worse but I feel like life has been kicking our butt a little lately.

Needless to say we’ve had a lot of unexpected things thrown our way. I’m not even sure where to begin…

I’ll start with the car, that had to be taken to the garage for a repair, then R had to have some work done at the dentist, Kory was then sent home from school with the chicken pox, after returning for just 1 week he’s now off school again because of a positive Covid case in his class, and now Kora has the chicken pox. Throw in trying to home learn a bored, fed up child whilst taking care of a poorly one as well as taking care of everything else in general and it’s safe to say it’s been quite a costly and stressful time. I feel like I’m just about keeping my head above water at this point.

I accept that there’s little I can do about the unexpected other than do what I can and keep pushing on. Except I can change my outlook on it all. Not that I haven’t been discouraged by everything that’s happened because yes, it sucks but things could also be a lot worse. For one, I’m thankful that our car is working as it should be again. I’m thankful that R isn’t in pain with his tooth anymore. Yes, they were expenses we could have done without having to fork out for but it’s just money. I am glad that Kory has recovered from having the chicken pox and although Kory is home from school again because of a positive Covid case in his class, I am thankful that we haven’t tested positive for Covid and that we all have our health. I hope whoever has tested positive for it is okay. It makes me sad to see Kora with the chicken pox as it did with Kory but I am sure she will make a speedy recovery as her brother did too. Trying to home learn Kory while also trying to nurse Kora better is difficult but Kory is allowed to return to school from Monday so we’re already half way there. We can get through this.

Life happens and it usually happens all at once like it has for us but everything is going to be okay. I’m sure of it. Call me foolishly optimistic but I always choose to believe that tomorrow will be a better day. It took me a really long time to accept that things aren’t always under my control but I am in control of how I react to the problem.

That’s not to say that I’m not exhausted because I feel like I could really do with a break right now but I realise that in light of other peoples problems, mine are simply but a flicker. There is always a reason to be thankful and stress will only ever make things worse. One of these days I will catch a break but for now, I’m just going to continue doing what I can and find a way to relieve what stress I have in any way that I can. For me, writing this blog post helps.

What helps you when you’re feeling stressed? I hope life is treating you well.

P.S. While I am not advocating struggling and going it alone, it’s a reality that some people don’t have much help.

As always, thank you for reading this post.

Do you ever sit down at the end of the day once the kids have finally gone to bed and think to yourself ‘have I done enough today?’

I do.

I always ask myself have I done enough today and could I have done more and I do this regardless of how much i’ve actually accomplished on any given day. Granted that some days I may or may not accomplish more than on other days but I always ask myself that same question, as though what I have done is never enough. Don’t get me wrong, there are days when I go to bed feeling great because we’ve all had a really good day on that particular day but most of the time I go to bed feeling like I could have done more. Like I should have done more.

I ask myself, could I have played with the kids that bit longer? Could I have been more patient? Have I done enough for my kids today? And before I know it I’m beginning to question if i’m even a good mum at all.

I know that I’m not perfect. Sure, there are some days when I probably could have done more. I could have tidied the house more, I could have stayed more calm when the kids were misbehaving but have I done enough?

Absolutely.

Are my kids fed? Safe? Listened to? Are they happy? Yes, yes, yes and yes. So yes, although I COULD have done more. I have done enough today and every other day and so have you.

I need to remind myself of this more often. Whether I am a good mum or not should not be determined by how much I raised my voice that day or how much or how little I played with the kids and their toys for. Being a good mum is getting up every day and taking care of your kids even when you might not feel like you want to get up out of bed. Being a good mum is listening to my children and making them feel safe. Being a good mum is making sure my kids know how much I love them. Not by how many tasks I tick off my to do list that day.

I am not asking for credit or expecting praise for doing what is required of me which is being a mum and taking care of my kids because that is what we as parents do every day regardless but I am promising myself that I will appreciate myself and what I do more because being a mum is hard. Some days are harder than others and I don’t need to value myself on how much I’ve managed to get done in a day. Some days I might not do much other than watch a movie with the kids and other days we might be up, dressed and out of the house all before dinner time ready for a day filled with fun but neither day makes me any less of a mum. On those days when I feel lousy and that I haven’t achieved much, if my kids go to bed knowing how much their mum loves them I’ve already achieved more than enough for that day.

It’s because I care that I worry whether or not I’ve done enough for my kids and wonder whether or not I could have done more because I want the absolute best for my kids of course but the very fact that I worry about this type of stuff proves that I’m a good mum already. So I will no longer be punishing myself at the end of every day. It’s easy going to bed feeling good about yourself when you’ve had a positive and productive day but what I need to work on is being okay with not always being able to do everything and accepting that doing that is still doing enough.

I’m still a good mum and so are you.

I have wrote this blog post for myself and for anyone else who might wonder whether they have done enough or whether they are enough and I’m here to say that, I have done enough, I do more than enough, I am enough and you are too.

P.S. yes, even on the days when you and the kids don’t even bother to get dressed and even on those days when you’re pushed to your limit and you might shout more than you’d like to.

Remember that you’re still a good mum, that those kids of yours still love you anyway and that you’re doing enough today and every day for you and your family.

Yesterday me and Kora had some well over due mummy and daughter time.

I took Kora to the park after the school run Friday morning and her face was a picture. She asked for Kory a few times because she loves her big bro and of course it’s fun for them when they play together but she loved running round the park solo, going down the slide and being pushed on the swing and I loved watching her.

Although I felt a little guilty because I knew Kory would have loved to have come to the park as well but was unable to because he was at school, I felt more guilty for not doing more of this type of stuff just with Kora. I know why I’ve struggled with this as I have spoke about the way I feel towards this previously but it didn’t take away the sting of guilt I felt when I looked at her and seen how much fun she was having and how terrible I felt for not doing it sooner. From asking myself why have I not done this? Why am I such a bad mum? I know it’s just my silly way of thinking… I get lost in my own head sometimes but so what if I take one to the park and not the other? I would never purposefully leave either one of them out and we can go to the park as many times as we want, we can always go again and again and again, together and one on one. Not to mention the many things that Kory gets to do that Kora doesn’t. He gets invited to birthday parties, he plays out… And I don’t feel the need to feel guilty for that so I shouldn’t feel guilty for this.

Kora loves spending time just with me and I love spending time just with her, just the two of us. And I don’t need to feel guilty for having that time. That time is important. I have no regrets with Kory, I spent all my time with him before he started school full time and I look back on our time together with so many fond memories, we did all sorts together and I don’t wanna wish I had spent more time with Kora, I want to make sure I have all that time with her as well.

Unless you have more than one child, I don’t think you’ll understand how hard it is to want to do everything for and with them both equally and how easy it is to feel guilty. But it is something that I’m continuing to work on.

We love having mummy and daughter time.

I don’t know if I’m just feeling all sorts of emotions today (thanks PMS) but I’m actually crying while typing this.

I love both of my children with all that I am, I couldn’t love either of them any more if I tried. I am by no means a perfect mum but I always and will always try to be the best that I can be for them. I am their mum and they are my babies. I will always fight for them, protect them, love them hard, care for them and do anything for them. I feel incredibly blessed to have been fortunate enough to have been able to bring two healthy, beautiful children into the world. Blessed with my son (although some days he can drive me nuts!) the one who made me mama and blessed with my daughter (with more sass than she knows what to do with!) who wasn’t my first but will always be my last baby.

I am proud to say that I have good, healthy, close relationships with both of my children. I spend a lot of time with both of them, together and each on their own but there is no denying that things are just different between your first child and your second child. Not different emotionally because I don’t love either one more than the other but circumstantially different.

When Kory was born, it was just me and him most of the time so of course we spent lots of time together just the two of us doing lots of different things and going to different places. It was easier to do this then with just having the one child as I didn’t have any other ties or children that I was responsible for. Then when Kory was 3 years old, Kora was born and so obviously thats when things did change. We didn’t have as much time any more just the two of us but that didn’t and still doesn’t seem to bother Kory. Occasionally we still have mum and son time and it’s nice when we do but just not as often.

Then when Kora was born, I found it hard to get out of the house with both children on my own for the first few weeks and then, in my defence, we did go into a national lockdown because of a global pandemic (that over a year on we’re still not fully out of might I add!) a few months after she was born which of course didn’t help my situation at the time but I still feel like I haven’t done as much with her as I once did with Kory and I feel guilty for that. It’s not that I don’t have as much one on one time with her because every day when Kory is at school, it is just me and Kora together but we’re usually just at home. We do lots of things together at home but we don’t really go anywhere and that’s my fault.

Being a mum of two, I find it really hard splitting myself in two. I feel guilty if I take Kora to the park while Kory is at school because I know how much he’d love to go to the park too, the same way I feel guilty if I buy Kory a new toy for achieving something at school and then not buying Kora one which then means I end up buying them both something because I just don’t want to leave either of them out. Of course that time with each of them by themselves just with me is important and we do have that time it’s just that I try to avoid going anywhere without them both as I really do prefer it when we go somewhere and we take both kids otherwise I’m just riddled with guilt the entire time for taking one and not the other. Am I even making sense? I feel like I might have gone crazy. I guess it’s just my way of thinking.

Growing up, I often felt left out and pushed out and I don’t ever want either of my children to feel that way and I think that’s why I worry so much about it. I love them both equally and so much and don’t want either of them to think or feel differently.

Can anyone relate to what I’m saying? Or have I totally lost the plot? I guess I just need someone to tell me that what I’m feeling is normal and that it’s okay.

If anyone has any advice for me, help a mama out.

Thanks,

Kirsti, xo